


Did i write a random chatfic? Yes

by shroom_system



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Everyone’s gay, F/F, F/M, Hinata Hajime & Kamukura Izuru Are Twins, Hinata Hajime Has a Talent, Its for the gay the fun and me being a kinnie, M/M, Swearing, Tags are being updated because I cant not add more and more ships, Theeres innuendo and stuff because i have a horrible mind, Theyre all teenagers what do you expect but much swearing and sex jokes, Ultimate Counsellor Hajime, Vibing, alsp there’s mental health jokes im allowed to make because i’m depressed and anxious and i want to, basically everyone - Freeform, chat fic, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 16,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22765540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shroom_system/pseuds/shroom_system
Summary: ahhh hi I don't know what this isNames used to be here but now I'm putting them in the fic notes :)
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Amami Rantaro, Chabashira Tenko/Yumeno Himiko, Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Hinata Hajime/Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko, Ikusaba Mukuro/Tsumiki Mikan, Iruma Miu/K1-B0, Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito, Naegi Komaru/Fukawa Toko, Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya, Nanami Chiaki/Sonia Nevermind, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi, Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham
Comments: 40
Kudos: 367





	1. Idk where this crap is going

1:37am

a literal rat: C H A O S T I M E  
hat emo 1: Kokichi  
hat emo 1: please for once in your life  
hat emo 1: stop with the chaos  
a literal rat: sure  
avowocado: wow that's a lie  
a literal rat: nishishishi~  
avowocado: do we get typed laughs too or just him  
hat emo 1: just him he won't let Kaito have one  
a literal rat: Kaito gets no rights he's a straightie

6:35am

rip oppy: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I GET NO RIGHTS  
hat emo 1: Kaito whatever you do don't look at your username  
rip oppy: why  
rip oppy: N O OPPY  
rip oppy: brb gotta go mourn

7:56am

rip oppy: back  
naruto: YOU MOURNED FOR AN HOUR AND A H A L F  
rip oppy:  
rip oppy: ...yes  
naruto: can we get you a psychologist  
hat emo 1: we all need one

10:00am

queen lesbian: g I RL  
queen lesbian: all in agreement say gay  
magic but gay: gay  
avowocado: gay  
Atua's hoe: gay  
God is this woman: gay  
ultimate hoe: Kokichi  
a literal rat: Miu you straightie I didn't ask to be outed  
ultimate hoe: yea you did  
a literal rat: @avowocado straightie  
avowocado: blocked and reported  
a literal rat: I will cry avocado birch  
a literal rat: the neighbors will complain again  
avowocado: unblocked but you're on thin ice, grape thot

10:36am

ultimate hoe: Y'ALL  
ultimate hoe: concept: ratfuck is a bottom  
a literal rat: how dare you attack my rights like that  
hat emo 1: can confirm ratfuck is indeed a bottom  
a literal rat: S H U I C H I MY RIGHTS  
ultimate hoe: silence bottom  
a literal rat: @god is this woman mother my rights are being attacked again  
God is this woman: son where is the rights attacker  
a literal rat: @ultimate hoe hER  
God is this woman: Miu stop attacking my son's rights or I won't clean your room  
God is this woman: it's a pigsty Miu  
God is this woman: clean your fucking room, family disappointment 2  
a literal rat: I thought I was family disappointment  
God is this woman: you are Family Disappointment 1

12:25pm

a literal rat: @avowocado MY GOOD BITCH  
avowocado: owo? News?  
a literal rat: MONEY HAS COME INTO MY POSSESSION ITS SHOPPING FOR QUESTIONABLE ITEMS TIME!  
avowocado: my good bitch!!  
ultimate hoe: sob  
ultimate hoe: they never invite me anymore  
ultimate hoe: I always have to hide in the boot of their car

12:49pm

hat emo 1: raise your hand if you're tired of your partner's shit  
piaNO: how do you stretch a hand into orbit  
Best Robot: *raises hand*  
stabby mcstab: he's a dork  
hat emo 1: wait who are you dating Kaede  
piaNO: ah shit  
piaNO: green  
hat emo 1: w  
hat emo 1: what

1:00pm

avowocado: @piaNO I'm gonna tell em  
piaNO: please look at my username Rantaro  
naruto: yeah we need suspense for our barely plot  
God is this woman: Tsumugi! Leave the fourth wall intact!

2:39pm

a literal rat: things are getting dull  
hat emo 1: oh no  
a literal rat: :0  
a literal rat: have you no faith in me  
a literal rat: I was just going to suggest we make a chat for Class 77 and 78  
hat emo 1: kichi you just wanted to make the names  
a literal rat: wait are we doing nicknames now  
a literal rat: I'm giving you a nickname wait  
ultimate hoe: ha gay  
hat emo 1: yea it's gay  
a literal rat: okay your nicknames Shumai now

3:57pm

a literal rat: as of my connections I have managed to get Class 77 and Class 78 chats!  
a literal rat: I also got a lurking account so I can watch  
avowocado: let me guess  
avowocado: connection for 78 is Celestia, right?  
a literal rat: yup  
avowocado: gonna say 77 is either Komeada or Saionji  
a literal rat: nope! 78 is Nanami!  
avowocado: well shit  
avowocado: can't win em all I guess  
a literal rat: bro you can I'll give you viewing access on one of the 77 or 78 chats they MEGA gay  
avowocado: I'll take 78 I've got a friend there  
a literal rat: oh who  
avowocado: Makoto Naegi, he used to go to my middle school  
a literal rat: boo your friend is the most boring of them


	2. trigger happy havoc peeps exist now!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get some nice lesbianing here and some nice gays also Komaru is part of the Class 78 Chat because I said so

Class 78 (THH)  
4:00pm

tig bittie goth gf: ah  
tig bittie goth gf: it appears my acquaintance from Class 79 has created a group chat for us.  
tig bittie goth gf: apparently he made us names too.  
tig bittie goth gf: I disapprove.  
20% stoner, 80% hair: t Ig bItTiE gOTh gF  
tig bittie goth gf: I despise you.  
sherlock: Celeste  
sherlock: Why'd you call Kokichi your acquaintance? Isn’t he like your cousin?  
tig bittie goth gf: I try to forget he exists.  
20% stoner, 80% hair: PSHH  
20% stoner, 80% hair: FAMILY DRAMAAAAAA  
naeggi: oh Kokichi made this?  
naeggi: next time you see him, tell Rantaro I said hi!  
tig bittie goth gf: sure Makoto  
sherlock: Makoto!  
20% stoner, 80% hair: Makoto!  
naeggi: hi guys  
sherlock: how are you friends with Rantaro?  
naeggi: went to the same middle school

5:28pm

toe: what is my name?  
20% stoner, 80% hair: toe  
toe: I know that, idiot, but why?  
20% stoner, 80% hair: look at this bitch using proper grammar  
worm of book: hey toe  
toe: Not you too, Fukawa.  
worm of book: toegami  
20% stoner, 80% hair: toegami  
sherlock: toegami  
tig bittie goth gf: toegami  
naeggi:  
toe: Please, Makoto, don’t say it.  
naeggi: t  
naeggi: to  
naeggi: to  
naeggi: sorry guys I’m incapable of being mean :(  
toe: Thank you!  
worm of book: of course toegami’s bf is nice to him  
worm of book: does the fuck toegami cult mean nothing to you  
sherlock: I think he misunderstood the name  
20% stoner, 80% hair: BWGAHAHAHA  
toe: Komaru recently joined the Fuck Fukawa club.  
toe: Apparently, she too misunderstood the name.  
toe: I was very disappointed in her.  
naeggi: WAIT WHAT  
naeggi: MY SISTER???????  
naeggi: DID WHAT?????  
worm of book: oh yeah I’m dating your sister Makoto  
naeggi: ?????? Why did no one tell me????  
naeggi: @cutemaru explain  
cutemaru: I’m dating Toko  
naeggi: why  
cutemaru: cute writes me stories  
worm of book: babe!  
cutemaru: babe!  
toe: Fukawa, why are you dating Makoto’s sister?  
worm of book: cute, makes me smile  
worm of book: why are you dating Makoto  
worm of book: aside from the apparently genetic Ray-of-Sunshine trait  
toe: Well, he’s considerate and a wonderful person, for starters.  
cutemaru: ew men  
worm of book: remind me to get you to join the Cult Of Lesbians  
worm of book: we gush about girls a lot  
cutemaru: count me in!  
sherlock: toko 🤝 toegami  
sherlock: loving a naegi  
tig bittie goth gf: don’t we all love the Naegis though  
naeggi: :0  
cutemaru: :0  
cutemaru: ha jinx  
naeggi: mine sent first  
cutemaru: D:  
worm of book: starting a loving Naegi cult pick a Naegi you love and join  
toe: I’m joining.  
worm of book: as Makoto’s sugar daddy you may join  
cutemaru: pffffff  
cutemaru: remember when you had a crush on him  
worm of book: disgusting to think I was once a straightie 

6:19pm

strowong: oh yeah  
strowong: the Cult of Lesbians is fun Komaru  
strowong: me and Aoi are in it  
cutemaru: strong lesbian?????  
fishy: my strong lesbian  
cutemaru: you have impeccable taste in lesbian congrats  
cutemaru: who’s dating goth gf  
tig bittie goth gf: no one currently.  
cutemaru: boo all butch lesbians want cute goth Lolita gf  
tig bittie goth gf: I am considering attending this Cult of Lesbians to see if I could gain a significant other.  
fishy: yes Celeste join us!  
tig bittie goth gf: there is a matter at hand that could harm my chances of getting in however.  
tig bittie goth gf: seeing as I am not this gender biologically, could I still be allowed into this society?  
worm of book: yeS trans rights  
tig bittie goth gf: trans rights indeed

Class 79 (V3:KH)

a literal rat: @queen lesbian Cult of Lesbians?  
queen lesbian: shit he found us  
magic but gay: oh yeah that club Toko started because she wanted to collectively cry over girls  
a literal rat: why don’t we have a boys one yet  
hat emo 1: I believe that’s called you complaining to my face about liking me and not realising that you were taking to me  
queen lesbian: still can’t believe you did that degenerate  
ultimate hoe: AHAHAHAHAHAHA  
a literal rat: want me to summon Kiibo?  
ultimate hoe: WAIT NO KOKICHI GRAPE THOT NO  
a literal rat: @best robot Miu once run up to me crying because you looked at her and smiled and it was too much for her heart  
best robot: aww Miu  
ultimate hoe: see I have the best robot as a boyfriend  
ultimate hoe: wait what term do you even use to mean boyfriend/girlfriend for you Kiibo  
best robot: uhhh date is fine  
ultimate hoe: I have the best date ever  
a literal rat: I have one better  
ultimate hoe: are you dating a beautiful robot made by the second best inventor in Japan  
a literal rat: I am dating a cutie who trips on his shoelaces and cries if you compliment him  
ultimate hoe: damn that is cute but I still win  
a literal rat: I find that hard to believe  
hat emo 1: akjdskskdkfkkw kichi!  
a literal rat: see Miu I call him a cutie and shumai.exe has stopped working

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t end a chapter for shit but oh well 
> 
> THH cast and Komaru will be referred to as Class 78, SDR2 cast as Class 77 and V3 cast as Class 79 by the way.
> 
> Names for 78 are  
> Yasuhiro Hagakure: 20% stoner, 80% hair  
> Mukuro Ikusaba: cryptid  
> Junko Enoshima: thot  
> Celestia Ludenberg: tig bittie goth gf  
> Sakura Ogami: strowong  
> Hifumi Yamada: silence, weeb  
> Mondo Owada: corn hair  
> Chihiro Fujisaki: babey boy  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru: Dad  
> Byakuya Togami: toe  
> Toko Fukawa: worm of books  
> Leon Kuwata: has a Sayaka body pillow  
> Sayaka Maizono: straightie  
> Makoto Naegi: naeggi  
> Kyoko Kirigiri: sherlock  
> Aoi Asahina: fishy  
> Komaru Naegi: cutemaru


	3. Look ma I wrote 1k about a game Kokichi made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m kinda proud of this because it was funny? This entire fic is me going what if the v3 cast or the thh cast or the sdr2 cast did x thing and honestly it’s fun

6:54am  
Class 79

a literal rat: alright my dudes  
queen lesbian: and girls  
a literal rat: and girls and nonbinary peeps for Kiibo if they’re awake  
best robot: I can’t sleep but go off I guess  
best robot: also thank you for the validation :)  
a literal rat: anyways!  
a literal rat: we’re gonna play a not-boring-and-definitely-fun game!   
best robot: and now I fear for my safety :)  
a literal rat: nah dw it's actually safe and harmless  
a literal rat: me and the other dice members play it all the time  
hat emo 1: yeah I think I know the game you're referencing  
a literal rat: alright the game is that I'll say a Google search or a quote from one of you and you've gotta guess who said or searched it!  
best robot: oh yeah that's harmless  
ultimate hoe: s h i t   
a literal rat: nishishishi ~  
a literal rat: okay this one's a quote   
a literal rat: 'once I fell down an entire flight of stairs because a pretty girl smiled at me'  
magic but gay: oh thats Tenko  
queen lesbian: I'm proud of that moment  
a literal rat: Himiko got it right!  
a literal rat: okay next is a search  
a literal rat: 'what's a sign of bottom energy'  
ultimate hoe: you  
hat emo 1: yeah that's you   
a literal rat: iT's nOt  
ultimate hoe: bitchhair if I make you something will you tell me cockichis kinks  
hat emo 1: you will tease him to hell and back Miu  
hat emo 1: but  
hat emo 1: what would you offer me  
ultimate hoe: U L T R A C O F F E E   
ultimate hoe: it's coffee but you'll never sleep again  
hat emo 1: mmmmm deal  
ultimate hoe: ha suck it ratfuck   
a literal rat: please tell me you aren't going to  
a literal rat: I swear to fucking god Shumai  
hat emo 1: nah I'm not actually I just want the coffee   
hat emo 1: I have an addiction  
a literal rat: also uhh the game????  
stabby mcstab: it's kaito  
a literal rat: y E P  
ultimate hoe: ahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahah  
ultimate hoe: wait makis a top  
ultimate hoe: fucking top me Maki you're hot  
stabby mcstab: ill decline this time seeing as I have a boyfriend  
ultimate hoe: smh hot girls won't top me  
a literal rat: that's a quote and a half though  
best robot: OKAY MIU WE GET IT YOUR SWITCH ASS IS TIRED OF TOPPING ME  
a literal rat: mmmm tea  
a literal rat: okay quote again  
a literal rat: 'i came here to go to school and I became a brother to two extremely dumb siblings and honestly I'm okay with that's  
ultimate hoe: I'm assuming because I heard him say that I'm not allowed to participate :(  
a literal rat: yeah it's more fun  
imcest: the only people here with siblings are Rantaro, Kaede and I  
imcest: as I did not say it and Kaede is female identifying, I'd place my bet upon Rantaro  
avowocado: YOU LITTLE BITCH KOKICHI  
avowocado: ILL GUT YOU AND MIU FOR TELLING EVERYONE I SAID THAT ABOUT YOU  
avowocado: jk I'm chill  
a literal rat: wow you lie good  
avowocado: :)  
a literal rat: okay next one is a search  
a literal rat: 'can I hit my boyfriend with a keyboard and will he survive?’  
hat emo 1: I'd say Kaede but like is she dating someone  
avowocado: dude she's been dating someone since school started  
hat emo 1: sorry w h a t  
piaNO: honestly I thought you knew  
piaNO: you dumb gay Shuichi  
avowocado: also it's Kaede  
piaNO: I can personally confirm they survive :)  
avowocado:  
hat emo 1: I swear to god Kaede  
a literal rat: next is another search!  
a literal rat: 'gender??????????'  
a literal rat: this one was such a mood I had to include it  
avowocado: holy fuck mood  
imcest: this is exactly what I think when I look in the mirror some days  
ultimate hoe: bruh why's everyone's gender so valid here  
naruto: uhh sorry to be a bother but the search is Kiibo's   
best robot: in my defense  
best robot: I was confused  
a literal rat: actual memelord kiibs  
a literal rat: final quote because I'm bored now   
a literal rat: 'sometimes I like ropes because of their symbolism. Other times I want to die.'   
a literal rat: a little obvious but it was too much of a mood  
naruto: it's korp right  
a literal rat: K O R P  
a literal rat: ahahahahahahaaahahahahahahah

a literal rat changed imcest's name to korp

korp: I'm glad to hear I'm a 'mood', I hear it's a great honour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> K o r p


	4. SDR2 KIDS ARE HERE CAUSING CHAOS

Class 77 (SDR2:GD)  
4:20pm

sleeby: hey guys  
sleeby: kokichi made us a chat Idk why  
sleeby: I'm scared of the chaos to follow so I'm yeeting :)  
sleeby: bye :)  
oj ahoge: goodbye voice of reason  
hOpE: oh hi Hajime  
oj ahoge: komeada  
hOpE: dang last names? I thought we were past this, least favorite hinata-kamukura brother  
oj ahoge: why must you do this to me Komeada  
hOpE: you're the less cool hinata-kamukura brother it's a fact  
oj ahoge: I know about three people who'll gladly throw hands with you on that  
hOpE: no one can hurt me more than I hurt myself  
oj ahoge: hi I'm sorry what  
hOpE: :)  
oj ahoge: sUmMoN @draco malfoy @oily boi @sleeby  
oj ahoge: komeada said izuru was better than me  
sleeby: eXCUSE YOU  
sleeby: KAMUKURA WOULD LEAVE ME TO DIE AND BLEED OUT FROM MANY INJURIES  
hOpE: I want to bleed out and die from many injuries :)  
sleeby: nagito  
sleeby: why  
draco malfoy: hey komeada drop me your location I and my sister just want to talk  
sleeby: oh boy  
sleeby: natsumi once threatened to punch me  
sleeby: as a lesbian it was kinda hot ngl  
oily boi: kamukura may be cool buT YOU KNOW WHOS COOLER  
oily boi: SOUL BRO HAJIME  
oj ahoge: ayyyyyy  
better than you:  
better than you: thanks ig Komeada  
hOpE: holy shit he said my name  
hOpE: faints  
cries: oh ddidf someonee faint?  
cries: sorry abhout my typos  
hOpE: nah I didn't faint just being dramatic don't worry about me youre the Ultimate you shouldn't worry about me  
cries: itts my job to worry about you!  
hOpE: you worry excellently! It's just I'm pathetic trash and you don't need to worry about me :)  
better than you: do I need to open a therapy club  
hOpE: with all your talent I'm sure you've got the Ultimate Therapist too that's so cool you can help us all  
better than you: Ko I'm not God  
hOpE: hoLY SHIT HE GAVE ME A NICKNAME  
oj ahoge: why did I just hear a loud crash  
oj ahoge: komeada  
oj ahoge: @hOpE????  
oj ahoge: f u c k  
horny on main: ha fuck  
oily boi: stfu bitchface  
horny on main: little does he know I have a degradation kink  
oily boi: @s t r o n k @om nom nom beat him up?  
om nom nom: sure!  
oj ahoge: A LARGE CRASH CAME FROM KOMEADAS ROOM AND NO ONE CARES  
better than you: hang on

5:39pm

hOpE: hi kamukura just came and stopped me from having a coma :)  
better than you: it's not that big off a deal  
hOpE: buT STILL  
oj ahoge: komeada's religion is izuru huh  
better than you: komeada I am not God for the last time  
hOpE: but youre so talented I covet talent I love talent I'm a talentless piece of trash  
oj ahoge: as someone who was talentless up until a week ago fuck you komeada  
hOpE: yeAH BUT YOU GOT YOUR TALENT  
hOpE: YOURE THE ULTIMATE COUNSELLOR YOU HELP US  
oj ahoge: I'm awful at my talent I just yell at you all to hydrate and stop being idiots  
oj ahoge: also like I only got my talent because I was accidentally thrown into that weird assembly school made like that was some Lord of the flies shit  
oj ahoge: headmaster isn't fun he was like oh haJimE hInAtA? You did cool stuff be our Ultimate Counsellor and I went okay ????  
hOpE: inspirational  
oily boi: ya but you make the words flow  
oily boi: you actually got cloudbitch to open up about his trauma  
sleeby: I'd like to remind you of the time Mr Ultimate Counsellor kicked my door down to drag me to go get food because and I quote 'theres still a ton of chocolate milk in the fridge it was restocked last Friday'  
sleeby: he studied my chocolate milk consumption to make sure I was eating  
sleeby: now I'm too scared to not eat  
oj ahoge: it worked though  
oj ahoge: I also keep tabs on all your favorite foods and where they're kept by the way don't think i don't know when you aren't eating  
oily boi: fUCK  
oj ahoge: Kaz your diet is 90% energy drinks and 10% motor oil  
oj ahoge: its disturbing  
oj ahoge: please eat food that isn't chicken nuggets  
better than you: I'm curious  
oj ahoge: izuru you eat a perfectly balanced diet to the exact average of what you're supposed to have somehow do you even know that  
better than you: I think that's the Ultimate Dietitian talent  
hOpE: wow kamukura you're so cool  
oj ahoge: komeada  
oj ahoge: yOUR ENTIRE DIET IS CRACKERS AND COKE WHY ARENT YOU  
DEAD YET  
hOpE: luck?  
draco malfoy: hi I'm sat with Hajime he just slapped down his phone and started furiously typing  
oj ahoge: kuzu  
oj ahoge: you eat about 50% cookies and 50% happy meals  
oj ahoge: and you tried to argue to me that it was healthy because 'fries are made of potatoes and potatoes are a vegetable'  
oj ahoge: POTATOES ARE NOT A FUCKING VEGETABLE  
draco malfoy: point taken kissed Hajime scares me  
oj ahoge: thank you for coming to my Ted talk on why you should fear me :)

6:28pm

sleeby: @actually actually a queen I love  
actually actually a queen: I love you too my adorable gamer gf!  
oily boi: damn Sonia  
actually actually a queen: *dramatic flops* I am sorry Souda but I am cheating on you  
oily boi: hOW cOulD yOU  
actually actually a queen: it's just that I am  
actually actually a queen: *pause for suspense*  
actually actually a queen: a lEsBiAn  
oily boi: :00000  
oily boi: wELL I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU  
oily boi: I am too! A flaming homosexual!  
actually actually a queen: what is this? mlm wlw solidarity?  
oily boi: *sheds singular tear* lesbian rights  
actually actually a queen: gay male rights  
oj ahoge: I hate to ask but what the fuck  
actually actually a queen: hush Hajime  
oily boi: we're the mythical result of a love triangle turned oh no we're actually all gay 

\-----------------

Sonia Nevermind - Kazuichi Souda

Sonia: beautiful  
Kazuichi: our best performance yet  
Sonia: next are you gonna dramatically ask Gundham out or what  
Kazuichi: not yET  
Kazuichi: he probably doesn't like me see  
Sonia: you fucking fool  
Sonia: if you don't ask Gundham out I'll personally tear out Hajime's teeth and eat them :)  
Kazuichi: this is why I hate you you know  
Sonia: pssh you know you love me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi by the way I have in real life unironically threatened to tear out another persons teeth and EAT THEM
> 
> I'm also going overboard on the ships
> 
> So many ships
> 
> You aren't ready for the ships
> 
> OH AND HAJIMES TALENT THING WAS BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT NAGITO BEING A TOTAL AS WHOLE TO HIM SO I GAVE HIM THE TALENT FUYUHIKO(?) THOUGHT HE MIGHT HAVE IDK I HAVENT PLAYED THE FTEs FROM SDR2


	5. MORE SDR2 AND GAMES AND SHIPS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry the chapters shorter than usual

8:30am  
Sonia Nevermind - Chiaki Nanami

Sonia: my darling would you mind doing me a favour  
Chiaki: Sonia   
Chiaki: what do you want me to do  
Sonia: I need help revealing Kazuichi's massive crush on Gundham and as Ultimate Gamer you could probably find a way to make it one of those cool group chat games?  
Chiaki: oh okay! 

Class 77 (SDR2:GD)

sleeby has changed 17 names

the reason bleach isn't in the bathrooms anymore: ?  
the reason bleach isn't in the bathrooms anymore: oh  
has blackmail on all of you: be warned  
had a dream where we all killed each other: do we guess the names?  
was shot in the leg: yeah probably  
has a huge crush on Gundham: yeah I think so FUYUHIKO  
was shot in the leg: fuck you 

was shot in the leg changed their name to draco malfoy

the reason bleach isn't in the bathrooms anymore: ahahahahahaha   
the reason bleach isn't in the bathrooms anymore: I can explain  
has been caught eating a plain piece of bread crying on the floor: save your explanations for Hajime Nagito  
the reason bleach isn't in the bathrooms anymore: I don't need more therapy you shouldn't worry about me!  
the reason bleach isn't in the bathrooms anymore: I'm fine :)

the reason bleach isn't in the bathrooms anymore changed their name to hOpE

fought Mukuro and drew: Nagito please go see Hajime  
fought Mukuro and drew: also Akane was eating bread on the floor  
fought Mukuro and drew: Mahiru has our blackmail

fought Mukuro and drew changed two names

fucking smile or else: be warned  
om nom nom: that's two people with blackmail now  
om nom nom: first Hajimeme now Memehiru?  
knows everyone in school: there's a reason for my name   
knows everyone in school: I have to know them  
knows everyone in school: it's for talent stuff  
actually can feel love: wowwww weak  
actually can feel love: I know them because I know them   
knows everyone in school: ladies and gentlemen, Izuru Kamukura, Ultimate Stalker  
hOpE: cough I wouldn't mind kamukura stalking me cough  
hOpE: also hi Hinata only person who'd make that remark against Kamukura

hOpE changed two names

oj ahoge: imma just explain mine it's because of my therapy thing I know most everyone because they've all dropped in my office crying at some point  
oj ahoge: you guys need to stop focusing on schoolwork and talents and have fun or you will be depressed  
draco malfoy: says the guy who lives in his office in case someone drops in  
oj ahoge: hey i have fUN SOMETIMES  
oj ahoge: oh speaking of which I've got an appointment in five see you  
draco malfoy: can't a guy just talk with his boyfriend  
hOpE: lol I wouldn't know I'm unlovable  
draco malfoy: wait you aren't dating emoshit  
hOpE: pssh why would Kamukura date anyone like me I'm unlovable and worthless and trash and he doesn't deserve to go out with trash  
draco malfoy: dude  
draco malfoy: chill  
a part of angies cult: huh I was out here making this for one ship and yet here's another  
has a massive crush on Kazuichi: oh Dark Lady which romantic pair have you tried to make bond  
has a massive crush on Kazuichi: on second thought I just looked at my title  
a part of angies cult: aw man

a part of angies cult changed their name to actually actually a queen

actually actually a queen: you just gave yourself away though   
has a massive crush on Kazuichi: I will refrain from speaking  
has a massive crush on Gundham: wait who has a crush on me  
has a massive crush on Gundham: F U C K

has a massive crush on Gundham changed their name to oily boi

oily boi: to prevent myself from dying of embarrassment I'm just gonna yeet

oily boi left the conversation

actually actually a queen added oily boi 

actually actually a queen: oh no the fuck you don't   
actually actually a queen: fess up you shoujo manga protags  
has a massive crush on Kazuichi: it is true I have what you mortals call a 'crush' on the Sharp Toothed One

has a massive crush on Kazuichi changed their name to XxXDarkLordXxX 

oily boi: waitwhashfinttbje  
XxXDarkLordXxX: I apologize for it being brought up this way 

\--------------

Kazuichi Souda - Gundham Tanaka 

Kazuichi: um Gundham doyoumaybewanttogoonanicecreamdatewithme  
Gundham: it would be my pleasure, Pink Haired One  
Kazuichi: cool! I'll grab you around 12 ish tomorrow?  
Gundham: that would fit with my demon feeding schedule yes  
Kazuichi: okay neat

\--------------- 

Kazuichi Souda to Sonia Nevermind

Kazuichi: hOLY SHIT I ACTUALLY ASKED HIM OUT  
Sonia: hurray! Now the game is useless though i was just using it to get you two to go out :(  
Kazuichi: IM SORRY W H A T  
Sonia: haahahahahaha gotta blast  
Kazuichi: tsk tsk I'm so offended

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd whether I should write their ice cream date or just try aftermath and doodle something to show the ice cream date on my tumble I and link it but im leaning towards the latter 
> 
> I swear ill get Komeada to ask out Kamukura or vice versa you decide idk


	6. hi welcome back to hell!

Class 79 (V3:KH)  
2:39am

a literal rat: so i was reading back this chat and uhh remember when Tsumugi said that we need a psychologist?  
naruto: stalker  
a literal rat: so you know that Hinata guy the actual stalker who tracks his classmates food habits  
naruto: i know everyone in this school i made them  
a literal rat: ?   
a literal rat: anyways he’s the Ultimate Counsellor so we actually have school therapist  
hat emo 1: oh yeah he’s cool i go cry to him a lot  
piaNO: he used to cry at me   
piaNO: oh and Rantaro and his weird ass dreams  
avowocado: i swear there was this fucking bear claiming to be the headmaster and Kaede and Tsumugi fucking killed me they killed me  
piaNO: it wasn’t even with a keyboard that wasn’t a very accurate dream huh  
avowocado: are you going to criticise the realism of my dreams? the stories of my brain? the visions of my sleep? what’s next are you going to criticise thunder? rain? the eaRTH ITSELF?   
a literal rat: bruh what the fuck  
avowocado: Kaito killed you Kokichi  
a literal rat: that motherfucker always knew he’d turn on me  
avowocado: oh no bro you made a plot to die together  
hat emo 1: finally the sweet release of death   
avowocado: bro you lived   
hat emo 1: i hate to pull a Kaede and criticise your dreams but why will it not let me die  
avowocado: kaede has already died and we couldn’t have a double protag death  
ultimate hoe: ha bet i lived  
avowocado: you were strangled with toilet paper  
ultimate hoe: oh

ultimate hoe has left the chat

a literal rat: nishishishishishi~  
avowocado: you can’t speak though you got squished   
god is this woman: ?  
avowocado: you killed Ryoma and also kirumi fell from a high place  
a literal rat: creeper?  
avowocado: Kiibo blew himself up to kill Tsumugi  
best robot: oh mood  
best robot: yes kokichi before you say robots can have depression and want to die  
a literal rat: can robots be depressed  
a literal rat: oh  
avowocado: HE CAUGHT YOU   
best robot: you robophobic asshole  
a literal rat: oh question you know that dude with all the talents  
best robot: kamukura? long dark hair, always wears a suit for no reason?   
a literal rat: if he has all the talent how is he a mafia boss, the leader of an evil organisation and a robot?   
best robot: THIS IS ACTUALLY A GOOD QUESTION   
naruto: do you think he can cosplay  
naruto: can i get him to try on my sailor moon cosplay  
avowocado: can he find my sisters  
korp: can he find my will to live  
a literal rat: bruh me  
rip oppy: hi new rule if anyone says anything concerning i’m adding Hinata to the chat  
stabby mcstab: kaito how do you know his chat account  
rip oppy: i don’t but i’ll ask him   
rip oppy: pretty sure he won’t mind being used as blackmail :)  
god is this woman: oh Hinata? if you invite him tell him i said hi  
rip oppy: why can’t you say hi  
god is this woman: fair point favourite son  
a literal rat: wAIT WHAT HES THE FAVOURITE   
god is this woman: you are my least favourite son  
a literal rat: why isn’t Shuichi or Kiibo or one of the cool people tour favourite   
best robot: wait did Kokichi call me cool  
best robot: in this economy?  
a literal rat: f U C K  
best robot: wait a sec i gotta tell miu  
a literal rat: wait no she’ll make fun of me

ultimate hoe was added to the chat

best robot: miu!  
ultimate hoe: yes bitchbo  
best robot: kokichi called me cool!  
ultimate hoe: ahahahahahahahahahah he can deny it no longer  
a literal rat: in my defence i did say shumai was cool too  
ultimate hoe: mm but still  
a literal rat: tsktsk i should really proofread my texts  
a literal rat: make sure they’re miu-proof  
ultimate hoe: >:D  
best robot: hey Kokichi now that i’m cool  
a literal rat: yes Kii-not-a-boy?   
best robot: can i hug you  
a literal rat: if you want to die  
rip oppy: that’s makirolls line  
a literal rat: wAIT YOU CALL MAKI MAKI-ROLL   
rip oppy: fUCK  
piaNO: why did i just see Kaito running past my door screaming that Makis going to kill him  
piaNO: ahh i see  
piaNO: also that was cute Kokichi :)  
hat emo 1: kokichi is like a platonic tsundere he says he hates you but he just thinks you’re all really cool  
hat emo 1: as he’s preoccupied with hunting down Kiibo i guess i’ll tell you all  
hat emo 1: he actually loves you all and thinks you’re all amazing and super talented  
piaNO: aww that’s so cute  
hat emo 1: specific people who are extra cool to him are Kaede, Maki, Kiibo, Miu and Kirumi  
hat emo 1: specifically he doesn’t actually hate Kaede’s encouraging speeches and how bubbly she is, he thinks it’s a nice escape and that it’s refreshing  
piaNO: hi kokichi before you kill Shuichi i just want to say you’re cool too!  
hat emo 1: he’s really jealous of Maki’s weapons and her title and wishes she’d show him how to use the crossbow  
stabby mcstab: thats,,, surprisingly sweet  
hat emo 1: he doesn’t actually think kiibo is just a robot and he thinks it’s awesome how they can do all this stuff  
best robot: aww Kokichi!  
hat emo 1: he admires Miu’s work ethic and thinks all her inventions are really cool and wants her to make him a scarf that changes colour with his mind  
ultimate hoe: that can be arranged  
hat emo 1: and last of all he wishes Kirumi was his real mum and oH FUCK I CAN HEAR HIM HES COMING TO MURDER ME  
god is this woman: that’s sweet and i’m sorry for your loss Shuichi  
ultimate hoe: press f to pay respects  
best robot: f  
avowocado: f  
piaNO: f  
god is this woman: f  
korp: f  
queen lesbian: f  
magic but gay  
b u G: Gonta pay respect! f! :D  
a literal rat: he isn’t dead he’s just going to be  
a literal rat: also hOW DO YOU KNOW THAT IVE NEVER TOLD ANYONE THAT  
hat emo 1: you talk in your sleep  
a literal rat: f u c k  
hat emo 1: dw between the cute notes to classmates and also odd love confessions it’s just loud swears  
ultimate hoe: oh so that’s what those were i thought someone was fucking ngl  
ultimate hoe: waIT HOW DO YOU KNOW HE TALKS IN HIS SLEEP  
ultimate hoe: hmmmmmmmmMMMMMM  
a literal rat: miu before you get any ideas i am a smol child i get very cold at night   
hat emo 1: apparently his answer to this problem is to scare the shit out of me at 11pm and then snuggle?   
a literal rat: :)  
best robot: honestly that’s pretty wholesome damn  
ultimate hoe: ugh it is tooooo  
ultimate hoe: but also that’s pretty gay ngl  
a literal rat: says the pansexual who has been quoted saying that she’d fuck anything with a pulse  
ultimate hoe: i regret being your friend ratfuck  
a literal rat: and i regret sleeping  
stabby mcstab: kokichi did you actually mean those things from earlier  
a literal rat: regrettably yes i do  
a literal rat: i think you’re all actually cool and i am just a platonic tsundere okay happy?  
stabby mcstab: well then  
stabby mcstab: do you want me to show you that crossbow  
a literal rat: WAIT YES

hat emo 1 changed a literal rat’s name to platonic tsundere

platonic tsundere: why must you hurt me like this Shumai  
hat emo 1: hey you admitted it  
platonic tsundere: i will get blackmail on you you motherfucker  
hat emo 1: excuse you i am gaY  
platonic tsundere: same  
ultimate hoe: same but not  
queen lesbian: same   
magic but gay: same  
piaNO: same as Miu  
platonic tsundere: hmm  
platonic tsundere: sexuality rollcall!  
platonic tsundere: to all my fellow gays say ayyyy!   
hat emo 1: ayy!  
platonic tsundere: may all the lesbians please say girl!  
queen lesbian: girl!  
magic but gay: girl!  
naruto: girl!  
platonic tsundere: may the bisexuals please say hi   
piaNO: hiiii  
stabby mcstab: hi  
platonic tsundere: pans say yeehaw  
avowocado: yeehaw my dudes  
rip oppy: yeehaw but in space  
ultimate hoe: YEEHAW MY BITCHES  
platonic tsundere: may those on the aspec speak up!  
god is this woman: am i that is mr clean gay meme where it goes no he is ace as all sex is too dirty for him for he is clean?  
hat emo 2: i’m asexual heteroromantic do i count?  
avowocado: dude as a panromantic asexual you totally count  
hat emo 2: neat  
atua’s hoe: heyo!  
korp: hello  
platonic tsundere: to my trans and enby folk say gender?  
best robot: gender?  
korp: gender? kinda? questioning?  
platonic tsundere: bro that’s valid  
platonic tsundere: is that everyone?  
naruto: was this just an excuse for the author to dump their sexuality headcanons? you’ll never know  
god is this woman: please stop referring to this author person or ill send you to Hinata  
naruto: but was it  
naruto: why else do we get a sexuality rollcall  
god is this woman: because my least favourite son is a chaotic dumbass  
platonic tsundere: :)  
b u G: wait Gonta no understand?   
platonic tsundere: what is it?  
b u G: what is sexuality?  
platonic tsundere: oh it’s the gender of who you like  
b u G: oh Gonta like girls! :D  
ultimate hoe: only valid straightie   
platonic tsundere: that means you’re heterosexual or straight!   
avowocado: so we’re just gonna ignore Kirumi’s Mr Clean statement or what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i didn’t update in a while! i ain’t abandoning this story anytime soon dw
> 
> i have a problem where i think something is funny it’s not i’m not funny 
> 
> i hope you like tsumtsum mug ee and Ratty arm o breaking the fourth wall it’s going to happen more
> 
> also there’s a ‘health commitee’ thing in this with Taka, Kirumi, Mikan, Hajime and Nekomaru and they basically just complain about their classes being too self sacrificing and taking on way too much work this is inspired by a therapy group i have where i listen to my friends rant and give advice and i wish i had a commitee to complain back to


	7. someone requested more sdr2 so uh here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damn one chapter of thh? I have one in th works but uhh probably need to write them more?

Class 77 (SDR2)

3:58pm

oily boi: hEY MOTHERFUCKERS ME AND GUNDHAM ARE DATING NOW  
oj ahoge: ayy good for you  
XxXDarkLordXxX: it's true, he took me out for ice cream  
actually actually a queen: :D yes!  
hOpE: ahahaha good for you guys   
oj ahoge: oh hey komeada  
hOpE: hey hi-not-izuru   
oj ahoge: okay we know  
draco malfoy: 1. Of course Hajime isn't izuru he's better 2. I honestly thought Komeada and Kamukura were dating for the longest time  
oj ahoge: wait they aren't?  
better than you: I'm you brother???? wouldn't you know????  
oj ahoge: I didn't know you could actually feel emotions until yesterday  
oily boi: he can?  
oj ahoge: ohmygodisizurubLUSHING.ping  
oily boi: don't show Komeada  
hOpE: don't show me what  
hOpE: ,,,  
hOpE: oh my god  
stabs you asmr: why'd i just see Komeada stop, drop his phone, curl up into ball and turn bright red?  
stabs you asmr: I see  
oily boi: wait can you show us  
stabs you asmr: here.png  
oily boi: Hahaha thAT'S GAY  
XxXDarkLordXxX: so are you  
oily boi: true 

5:23pm

better than you: hINATA I SWEAR TO GOD  
better than you: wait Komeada did what  
better than you: wAIT  
stabs you asmr: that's two boys I've seen now drop their phones and blush as much as humanly possible  
draco malfoy: this honestly doesn't help with my theory they're secretly dating  
actually actually a queen: makes sense  
better than you: why would we be secretly dating?  
draco malfoy: you keep denying it also you got flustered over each other twice  
oj ahoge: *three times  
oj ahoge: he was flustered over Komeada in the first picture  
draco malfoy: either they're crushing hARD or they're secretly dating it's a fact  
fucking bitch: wowwwww of course the weirdo loser and the freakshow cryptid would like each other  
fucking bitch: if you even like men get out of my sight  
fucking smile or else: sweetheart you need to stop  
fucking smile or else: people could read that as homophobic when actually you're just a lesbian  
fucking bitch: fINE  
oily boi: ha whipped  
fucking bitch: YOU MOTHERFUCKER LIKE YOU HAVEN'T IMMEDIATELY DONE SOMETHING BECAUSE HAMSTER FUCKER TOLD YOU TO YOU FUCKING BOTTOM  
oily boi: okayyyy  
oily boi: scary under 5 foot girl  
fucking smile or else: reminder if you hurt Hiyoko they won't find your body.   
oily boi: OH SHIT  
oily boi: brb gonna lock myself in my room in case the lesbians come after me  
sleeby: fear the lesbians  
actually actually a queen: please do fear us we are very powerful  
cries: we have the power of God and pining on our side!  
oily boi: wait pining  
cries: oh shit uh what aha I'm sorry please ignore that  
kazoo: ARE YOU PINING FOR SOMEONE MIKAN  
cries: uhh yes? maybe?  
fucking smile or else: are you in the cult?   
cries: no? cult?  
fucking smile or else: we can't talk about it in front of the men  
cries: ?????  
fucking bitch: noo don't initiate that thot  
fucking smile or else: what did we say about all women are queens?  
fucking bitch: :(  
kazoo: WHY DO YOU EVEN NOT LIKE MIKAN  
fucking bitch: oh no we aren't unpacking my tragic backstory today  
oj ahoge: tragic backstory unlocking is my job Hiyoko  
oj ahoge: if you'd like to, pop round my office at lunch or something  
fucking bitch: I'm bringing my girlfriend  
oj ahoge: that's cool  
fucking bitch: but only because you fuckERS KEPT ASKING

7:15pm

hOpE: hey guys what did I miss  
oj ahoge: did you spend fOUR HOURS HAVING A GAY PANIC  
hOpE: whATTT GaY pAnIc noooooo ahahaha   
oj ahoge: what were you doing then  
hOpE: uhh normal not gay panicking stuff?  
oj ahoge: liar  
oj ahoge: I've just seen you walk in to your dorm  
hOpE: stalker?  
oj ahoge: I prefer the term overly protective  
oj ahoge: anyways Mr. I'm totally not gay   
oj ahoge: yOU HAVEN'T EATEN ALL DAY YOU FUCKHEAD I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ENTER A KITCHEN ONCE YOU DOORKNOB  
hOpE: in my defense  
hOpE: I wasn't hungry  
oj ahoge: drastic times call for drastic measures  
oj ahoge: @better than you help  
better than you: hey ko  
better than you: ko can you go eat a couple crackers or something  
hOpE: okay kamukura you know what's best as the Ultimate Hope  
oj ahoge: I hate to say it but whipped  
better than you: it's kind of endearing to be honest  
draco malfoy: hOW THE FUCK ARE YOU NOT DATING YET  
better than you: Komeada's probably not interested in boys and has other problems to deal with before a relationship  
hOpE: why would Kamukura date scum like me literally he's probably straight anyways and doesn't need me holding him back  
draco malfoy: this is that Spiderman meme  
draco malfoy: the pointing one  
oj ahoge: oh god it iS  
oily boi: petition to lock them in a room together until they confess  
oj ahoge: you have my signature  
draco malfoy: mine too  
sleeby: you've got mine  
oily boi: I'm gonna do it you realise  
hOpE: wait no

oily boi removed hOpE and better than you

oily boi: here's the plan.  
oily boi: we tell them to go to one of the music rooms tomorrow to see someone or something and then we lock them in together  
oily boi: Kamukura can't kick a door down without being yelled at and probably suspended so it's all good  
fucking smile or else: I have a security camera hooked up to my phone we can watch it  
oily boi: nICE   
oj ahoge: are you seriously going through with this   
oily boi: yes :)  
draco malfoy: come on babe please   
oj ahoge: ...  
oj ahoge: mahiru film it and send it to me for blackmail on izuru  
fucking smile or else: my pleasure, blackmail partner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll either write the kamukoma as a one shot independent fic or the next chapter depending on how I feel
> 
> Honestly I was very much vibing with Fuyuhiko this chapter wHY ARENT THEY DATING YET? At this point kamukoma is that ship you're 90% sure are together but you don't quite know yet and it's driving everyone mad with their utter obliviousness .


	8. more thh as we are starved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kAMUKOMA WILL BE NEXT I SWEAR I JUST NEEDED TO FINISH THIS

Class 78 (THH)

1:23pm

thot: so i’m real bored  
thot: i’m going to expose y’all  
corn hair: who the fuck uses yall  
80% stoner, 20% hair: rip Junko   
naeggi: junko istg   
thot: it’s truth or dare fuckers  
thot: why were you worried  
worm of book: ahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA S H I T  
thot: aww does poor sweet innocent Toko have a secret?~  
worm of book: i hate truth or dare and you know this you fucklord  
naeggi: if you don’t mind me asking why do you hate it?  
worm of book: stupid middle school fuckboys  
naeggi: ah  
straightie: oh you mean leon? :)  
straightie: also i’m changing both mine and his name

straightie changed her name to teen idol

teen idol: much cuter  
has a sayaka body pillow: wait let me change mine  
thot: wait i have a need to change it to something 

thot changed has a sayaka body pillow’s name to 11037

thot: flip it upside down  
11037: it’s my name?  
thot: anyways thank yall for changing names.  
thot: the reason you guys hadn’t appeared was because the author didn’t want to type Leon’s name  
naeggi: here we go  
worm of book: who the fuck is the author   
naeggi: Junko and Tsumugi have an inside joke where they pretend we’re in a story or some shit  
thot: for the record it’s a fanfiction of a video game  
worm of book: ...  
worm of book: plausible   
naeggi: wHAT  
worm of book: you’ve seen how out of character we are!   
naeggi: oh no oh fuck  
thot: anyways truth or dare?   
naeggi: uhh truth  
thot: name one thing you hate about Togami  
naeggi: Junko istg  
naeggi: it’s how he thinks he’s better than most people because he’s rich  
toe: noted i’ll work on that  
thot: okay seeing as Toko is online, t or d?  
worm of book: dare because i’m not a pussy like sOMEONE  
thot: i dare you to make out with Komaru in front of Makoto  
worm of book: pssh easy  
naeggi: oh god no  
worm of book: @cutemaru sweetheart you know what’s up  
cutemaru: aight meet you in front of Makoto’s dorm in like two seconds  
naeggi: you know what  
naeggi: togami we gotta out couple them   
toe: noted i’ll swing by  
thot: oh fuCK YES THIS IS GOOD

2:30pm

cryptid: JUNKO   
cryptid: WHY THE FUCK DID I WALK IN ON MAKOTO, TOGAMI, KOMARU AND TOKO HAVING A MAKE OUT OFF?  
thot: ahahahahah you see  
cryptid: i fucking hate you my eYES  
cryptid: theYRE STILL GOING AT IT  
thot: i need to see this  
cryptid: ohgodohfuckumm.pmg  
thot: oh fuck that’s pretty hot  
thot: also i knew Komaru was the top fuck yes  
cryptid: my eYES JUNKO  
cryptid: i hate you so much  
thot: DONT YOU ACT INNOCENT  
thot: on this subject, t or d  
cryptid: t  
thot: tell everyone who you’re pining for you useless lesbian   
cryptid: 1. i fucking hate you   
cryptid: 2. it’s Mikan from 77  
sherlock: oh the cute purple haired chick?   
cryptid: yeah her  
tig bittie goth gf: I’m adding you to the Cult Of Lesbians  
cryptid: nice cult time  
thot: sob i’m a lesbian  
tig bittie goth gf: liar you’re the biggest least valid straightie i know and i know Sayaka  
teen idol: r00d  
thot: celes why must you hurt me :(  
tig bittie goth gf: you’re a straightie and you literally lead on Mikan for months you fuckwad  
thot: okay mAyBe i just didn’t realise she liked me okay  
thot: games over because i’m being attacked :(

2:45pm

naeggi: hey we’re back  
thot: were- were you-  
thot: how long were you making out  
toe: naeggi fainted  
thot: how-  
thot: i’m so confused   
cutemaru: that was fun to explain to Mikan   
toe: ahaha yeah  
worm of book: apparently dragging in an unconscious body to the nurses is pretty suspicious?   
toe: the explanation wasn’t much better  
naeggi: honestly i can’t imagine how awkward that was   
toe: we basically walked in and Mikan just stared at us and asked us ‘okay i’m guessing gay panic?’  
worm of book: she says that like it’s a regular occurrence  
cutemaru: literally everyone here is gay it’s pretty common   
thot: apparently that Nagito guy literally fainted because someone called him his name? like his last name too  
naeggi: what   
sherlock: oh yeah Kamukura called him Komeada and he actually fainted  
80% stoner, 20% hair: 77 are like us but more chaotic and gay  
naeggi: explain  
80% stoner, 20% hair: Komeada is basically you but more chaotic and creepy, Nanami is Kirigiri but sleepy and gay, i have a feeling Kuzuuryu is Togami but just more willing to snap a person’s neck, Tsumiki is Fukawa, there’s a lot of correlation  
toe: how is Kuzuuryu me  
80% stoner, 20% hair: rich, gay, know way too much about murder, heirs to a big family thing, blond  
toe: noted  
worm of book: Gundham is Celeste  
80% stoner, 20% hair: hOLY FUCK HE IS   
tig bittie goth gf: how  
80% stoner, 20% hair: FLAMBOYANT GOTHS  
tig bittie goth gf: i can’t even argue with this   
thot: yeah and Hiyoko’s me  
worm of book: falsehood, Hiyoko is a lesbian and has reasoning for be a bitch  
thot: :(  
worm of book: Yamada is Hanamura  
worm of book: they both sUCK   
thot: for once i agree with you  
thot: Hanamura gives me the creeps  
teen idol: seconded  
worm of book: i’m trying to think of one decent straight person to be Sayaka there are none they’re all gay  
worm of book: who is Leon and why is it Souda  
80% stoner, 20% hair: i didn’t know Toko was a memelord but holy shit  
worm of book: i spend 90% of my time on tumblr okay   
thot: hA OF COURSE YOUD USE TUMBLR  
worm of book: okay cishet  
cutemaru: why is that such a powerful insult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seriously though why is cishet such a powerful insult


	9. KAMUKOMA IS HERE AND FLUFFY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so um this may have taken me ages to write because I was super uninspired and didn't know how to finish it and I was hit by a writing bug at 11pm but it's here it's 2000 words and it's fluffy
> 
> The dashes indicate a perspective change

Komeada threw down his phone after being removed. God damnit was Souda actually going to go through with his plan? Komeada didn't deny that Souda was smart, much smarter than him, and a lot more cunning than him. Well, it wouldn't be bad to be stuck in a room with Kamukura for an hour or so? As soon as that thought reared its ugly head, Komeada dismissed it. Kamukura was the Ultimate Hope, the star amongst Ultimates. He didn't need some ball and chain from a stupid lucky student that was barely alive at this point and likely to die within years. As much as it hurt Komeada to let him go, it was necessary. Compared to Kamukura or really any of the Ultimates, even Hinata who'd been talentless as him just a few months ago, he was painfully, woefully, ultimately talentless. 

He was simply an ordinary person who was lucky enough to go to a school were he had felt so outcasted and lost. His class had helped him though. His class helped him become included, become a person in his own right. Nagito Komeada was no longer just the Ultimate Lucky Student. He was Class 77's loveable oddball, who you'd go to if you needed a morbid joke or just a laugh. The one who was a little strange sure, but he was a nice person, he wasn't quite as awful as he'd once thought. Hey, he even had friends now, real friends who cares for him and wanted the best for him. Hinata, Kuzuuryu and Souda could all be considered his friends and even Kamukura could, seeing as he usually hangs out with whoever Hinata's friends are. He was no longer laughed at, now people laughed with him. 

A knock came at Komeada's door and before jumping out of his skin, he got up to answer it, to see Hinata's face. "Hey, Komeada!" Hinata said to the luckster, "Izuru wanted to see you." Kamukura wanted to see him? Wait, what? Kamukura had actually wanted to see him, the most boring Ultimate? Komeada could only nod in agreement and grabbed is phone back from where he'd thrown it. Kamukura had wanted to see him! It was an understatement to say the lucky student was excited, he was far, far more happy to be excited. He practically bounced as he walked with Hinata to see the Ultimate Hope and even though he was sure he was annoying the counselor with his constant questions, he was much too happy to care. 

\--------------------------------

Kamukura was in quite a similar predicament to Komeada, it seemed. He has set down his phone after being removed, almost annoyed at being removed? That chat wasn't boring, that was for sure. It was quite entertaining. It seemed people were a little more themselves when they were on the chat. What was that saying, 'Give a man a mask and he will show you his face'? It seemed to apply quite well to this situation as some of his classmates would never behave in this manor aloud. For an example, Hajime would still have insulted him but he was never as forward as on chat, usually relying on sarcasm to bring his point across. Some people never changed though, like Komeada. 

In truth, Kamukura had a crush on Komeada. It felt so awfully common to say crush when he knew it wasn't just that. In short, Komeada fascinated him. In long, Komeada was the most unpredictable of his classmates. He was interesting, he made life a little more fun. For this reason, he tended to hover around Komeada, masking his presence as simply being around Hinata. It was probably more acceptable to follow around his twin that a boy who probably didn't like him in that way. Sometimes Kamukura allowed him a little hope when it seemed Komeada's admiration was a little more extreme and yet it probably was just that. Komeada's extreme admiration of talent and the talented was aimed at all the Ultimates, it was clear that his obsession would be heightened around Kamukura, as the Ultimate Hope. 

A knock came at his door. A short sharp knock, hitting the door twice. Kamukura opened the door though he really hadn't been expecting anyone to try talk up him today. Souda stood at his door, the trademark spiky grin plastered on his face. "Hey, your boyfriend wanted to see you." The mechanic said nonchalantly, not realising the absurdity of what he'd just said. His boyfriend? Kamukura didn't have a boyfriend to his knowledge. It took him a couple seconds to realise this was a mocking way to refer to Komeada, referencing his admiration and interpreting it as romantic feelings. Kamukura picked up his phone and replied with a bored "I guess I have nothing better to do.". Due to Kamukura's social inability, the walk to wherever Komeada wanted him was rather awkward. But when Souda finally stopped, Komeada was also arriving, with Hinata? Alarm bells immediately went off in his head as he saw Komeada approaching. Without warning, Souda and Hinata shoved them into a music room before locking the door. And that's when the realisation set in, just a second too late. It had been a trick. 

\--------------------------------

Kamukura had been pacing the room when Komeada spoke up, his voice panicked. "So I'm assuming you didn't invite me here?". Hinata had tricked him, it was all just a joke on him and Kamukura, of course it was, why would Kamukura invite him anywhere, why did he dare get his hopes up? The Ultimate Hope looked him dead in the eyes and began to speak, "I did not invite you here, but-". That's all Komeada needed to hear, of course Kamukura hadn't, why would he want to be in the presence of the lucky student, he was just a pathetic piece of scum, just a pathetic little piece of shit that didn't deserve to be dirt on an Ultimate's shoe, just a useless piece of crap that deserved nothing but despair and hatred and loneliness. He began to spiral into this thought pattern, his thoughts and words clogging up his senses, causing him to choke on his own words, detaching him from the solid reality of this sick joke. 

A hand places itself on his shoulder, a hand not his own yet comforting. Soft affirming mumbles made themselves known. They broke through his bubble of self-loathing, telling him to calm down, to take deep breaths, telling him he wasn't useless, that he wasn't awful, that he deserved love. When Komeada came to his senses, he realised that Kamukura had been saying them. Kamukura, who he'd thought unable to feel most emotions, had been comforting him and it had felt genuine? It didn't feel insincere or faked or just to trick him and lure him into a false sense of security. Kamukura was sat next to him on the floor of the music room, comforting him even after he had said that he hadn't invited him here.

"What I was going to say is that I didn't invite you here but," Kamukura once again started, placing an emphasis on the 'but', "your presence is welcome either way.". His presence was welcome? He was actually welcome to be in the Ultimate Hope's eyes? "I'm sorry my words brought you to panic. I should have reassured you first." Kamukura mumbled, his voice sheepish. "What is apparent is this is that thing Souda brought up." Oh, right that locking them together for some bizarre reason? What was that even meant to accomplish? 

\--------------------------------

After making sure Komeada wouldn't panic again and making a note not to say that again, Kamukura checked his phone. He might as well ask Hajime when he was going to let him out. Knowing his brother, it would probably be in an hour or two, the counselor had never failed to be annoying. Kamukura sent the text, requesting a time he'd be let out. Hajime never answered quickly, his phone was always on silent because of his meetings. So Kamukura was stuck in a music room with Komeada, the guy he had a giant crush on and he was pretty sure didn't like him. Oh boy. 

What were they even going to do? They were just trapped with nothing to do. The room they were in was quite small, with only enough room for a two pianos and a rack of guitars. Komeada had sat himself at piano stool, though he didn't look like he intended to play it. In an attempt to busy himself and to do anything but be bored, Kamukura sat down at the other piaNO and opened the lid. Shutting his eyes for some added challenge, he began to play. His fingers managed to hit the keys perfectly thank to his talent. He was probably using the pianist and luckster talents, using the luck with closing his eyes and the pianist to, well, play piano. He barely recognized what he was doing, relying solely on instinct to play. It was only when he finished that he realised what he had played. In The Hall Of The Mountain King, a simple piece and yet the one he had reached for first. He began to reprocess the room, realising the luckster was standing over him, holding his arm and leaning over to look at the piano. The Ultimate Hope jumped out of his skin when he realised that the white-haired boy was there and Komeada let go of his arm and sat back at the other piano, an awkward tension that you could cut with a knife lingering in the air. 

Komeada coughed, shattering the silence abruptly. He then began to try and,start small talk, though this appeared highly awkward too, "So, when do you think they'll let us out? They can't keep us here forever, right?", the luckster started, though he looked away as soon as he said it. "I assume it'll be in maybe fifteen minutes?" Kamukura wondered, "Both Hajime and Souda are impatient so likely soon." (Somewhere, Souda and Hinata both gasped dramatically whilst watching this from the camera Mahiru installed.). The other boy nodded and changed the conversation, "When did you learn to play piano like that? It was incredible!" Kamukura smiled slightly and answered, "Its one of my talents I use more often and sometimes Akamatsu from 79 gives me tips. Her playing is much better than mine though.". The luckster laughed, "Your playing was perfect, I don't understand how anyone could be better than you!".  
"In truth, my talents aren't perfect, they are as close to being perfect as possible and yet the actual Ultimates' work is better than mine. They've devoted their lives to those talents and I barely use what is their entire lives." Kamukura replied softly, "But thank you for the compliment."

\--------------------------------

The Ultimate Lucky Student listened to Kamukura talk about the technicalities of his talents with a soft smile. He really was amazing. Komeada could almost relax despite the situation, the small, cosy room, Kamukura's almost ethereal voice and the inherent safety of being with the person he trusts most. Maybe that trust was why he managed to say that, why he managed to be such a dunce. Komeada interrupted the Ultimate Hope's wonderful voice, saying in his own disgusting voice, "Can I hold your hand?" Kamukura looked startled to have been interrupted and even more shocked at what interrupted him. Komeada could feel his face burn as he began to stutter, "Uh, I mean if you want to, you don't have to hold the hand of pathetic scum like me, it's obvious someone as wonderf-" This time the luckster was cut off, by a simple "I'd love to.". And Kamukura reached for his hand.

Komeada was sure he was red as a firetruck when Kamukura reached for him. His hands were surprisingly soft but strong and they felt safe. He looked up at Kamukura who appeared to be- was Kamukura blushing? Kamukura, the Ultimate Hope, blushing? The lucky student's heart exploded seeing him flushed. It was so... cute. Komeada remembered the picture Hinata had sent of Kamukura blushing and yep, it was even more adorable in person. But why was Kamukura so comfortable with this? He attempted to keep himself from getting his hopes up, to not start imagining that Kamukura could ever like him. Even with this smothering, the lucky student couldn't help but hope that the Ultimate Hope reciprocated his feelings. 

They remained in comfortable silence for maybe a minute or so before Kamukura spoke up. His voice was quiet and Komeada nearly didn't catch the whispered "I love you." that escaped from the Ultimate Hope's lips. Wait, what? Kamukura loves him? Kamukura, the Ultimate Hope, a person much greater and more interesting and almost definitely straight, loves him? Komeada prayed he didn't misunderstand and whispered back, "I love you too.". Kamukura appeared to smile and blush much harder, "I'd like to ask to be your boyfriend, if you'd permit it, Komeada.". He grinned and yelled out his agreement maybe a little too enthusiastically. (Watching the camera, multiple people began to cheer for them and laugh about how long they'd been pining. And indeed, it had felt like forever.) Komeada smiled at his boyfriend. He really was lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woop woop! Kamukoma's together! Now there's only two more ships to establish!


	10. EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU MINUTEMOON

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Minutemoon for this idea! The requests are going to stay a thing but I'm deleting the separate chapter for it so just comment if you want to see some shenanigans!
> 
> I'm sorry if you don't know what Haikyuu is I have been hyperfixating on it

12:54pm  
Class 79 (V3:KH)

platonic tsundere: hello my lovely classmates!  
piaNO: hey Kokichi  
avowocado: hi  
platonic tsundere: this chat was gotta really boring so I HAVE THE MOST FITTING GAME  
avowocado: I'm sorry but fitting?  
platonic tsundere: TWO TRUTHS ONE LIE THE MOST FITTING GAME FOR A LIAR LIKE ME  
avowocado: you're not wrong  
piaNO: oh fun!  
hat emo 1: I know this is going to be super dark and stupid   
piaNO: don't be a buzzkill Shuichi Ouma's finally starting to be comfortable with not lying constantly  
hat emo 1: oh well   
God is this woman: I will enable the chaos for one time  
platonic tsundere: I nominate Kaede to go first!  
piaNO: okay, I played piano for a king, I am dating Rantaro, my eyes are green  
hat emo 1: haha good job Kaede but you've gotta make it a little harder  
avowocado: her eyes are purple  
hat emo 1: WHAT THE FUCK  
atuas hoe: language  
platonic tsundere: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA   
queen lesbian: on behalf of the lesbians, Rantaro if you ever hurt her we will GUT you  
avowocado: noted  
piaNO: I'm more likely to hurt him   
piaNO: anyways I nominate Shuichi to go next!  
hat emo 1: okay then, I have a scar from falling down a flight of stairs, Kokichi stole all my hats and that's why I don't wear them anymore, I once stayed awake for a month using caffeine to fuel myself  
platonic tsundere: you fell down two flights of stairs  
rip oppy: remember how I said that if you made one more concerning remark, I'd add Hinata  
hat emo 1: fuck  
rip oppy: that's still in place  
hat emo 1: be careful with what you say got it  
hat emo 1: seeing as you're here, I nominate Kaito  
rip oppy: I haven't been to space yet, I haven't picked up a single manga since middle school and I went to Area 51 to see an alien  
hat emo 1: they all seem true?  
stabby mcstab: the second one he reads Haikyuu daily  
queen lesbian: good choice still a degenerate  
hat emo 1: favourite team and favorite Karasuno member  
rip oppy: Fukurodani and Daichi  
hat emo 1: you're sleeping on Yamaguchi damn  
platonic tsundere: okay but Tsukkishima and Aoba Johsei  
queen lesbian: YOU ARE ALL SLEEPING ON MICHIMIYA KIYOKO AND YACHI  
platonic tsundere: you read haikyuu?  
queen lesbian: NO himiko does and I want to understand the jokes  
magic but gay: it's true  
rip oppy: anyways I nominate Maki!  
stabby mcstab: I hate you  
stabby mcstab: I know more than a hundred ways to kill someone, I hate my job and want to become a florist, I think about how much I hate myself everyday and it's overwhelming.  
queen lesbian: you want to be a barista  
rip oppy: THATS IT

rip oppy added oj ahoge to the chat

oj ahoge: what is this   
rip oppy: class 79 please lecture Maki on hating herself  
oj ahoge: hey Maki please go to my office it's second floor, fifth door from the main staircase, blue door with a plaque that says Counsellor  
stabby mcstab: got it  
oj ahoge: you guys don't seem so chaotic in here  
hat emo 1: don't say that, you'll summon him  
platonic tsundere: HEY HINATA  
hat emo 1: fuck  
atuas hoe: watch your profanity  
platonic tsundere: ARENT YOU THE GHOSTS BROTHER  
oj ahoge: if by the ghost you mean Izuru Kamukura then yeah  
platonic tsundere: IS HE COOL   
oj ahoge: he's a big edgy gay dork but you can think of him as cool  
platonic tsundere: HOW GAY IS YOUR CLASS ITS NOT AS GAY AS OURS  
oj ahoge: we have like 2 cishets?  
platonic tsundere: HA WE ONLY HAVE ONE  
hat emo 2: resident cishet  
oj ahoge: I'm assuming he's the Komeada of this place  
platonic tsundere: I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I AM KOKICHI OUMA ULTIMATE SUPREME LEADER, RULER OF AN EVIL ORGANIZATION OF 10,000 MEMBERS  
oj ahoge: ah yes, Komeada but he uses a superiority complex to hide insecurity  
hat emo 1: how the fuck did you get that from that   
oj ahoge: lucky guess?  
hat emo 1: OH GOD NO I CAN HEAR HIM CRYING  
rip oppy: my dorm is neXT TO HIS SHUT HIM UP  
hat emo 1: he has burst into my room and fallen face first onto my floor   
hat emo 1: however he stopped crying  
rip oppy: thank fuck  
oj ahoge: sorry about that  
hat emo 1: he constantly fake cries incredibly loudly, dw about it  
oj ahoge: other than the Maki thing why was I called here  
rip oppy: I need to be able to use you as blackmail  
rip oppy: speaking of which, favourite Haikyuu team and Karasuno member?  
oj ahoge: oh Dateko and Tsukkishima  
hat emo 1: Kokichi left his phone at his room but he says good choice  
naruto: is the author totally hyperfixating on Haikyuu and wanting to make a fic for it but entirely unable to because of an inability to focus on multiple projects? Yes  
avowocado: who the fuck is the author  
naruto: a really stupid enby with no life projecting too hard on these characters  
avowocado: you never cease to confuse the fuck out of me Tsumugi  
oj ahoge: the author? Shirogane what the fuck  
naruto: uhh it's an inside joke  
hat emo 1: if you question her she doesn't shut up about her idea that we're all fictional  
oj ahoge: okay no Shirogane is dEFINITELY THE KOMEADA  
stabby mcstab: weren't we playing two truths one lie  
platonic tsundere: oh yeah  
stabby mcstab: I nominate Ouma  
platonic tsundere: aww thanks  
platonic tsundere: I sometimes hide in the weirdest places just because I can, I'm a trans boy and I have once sat and laid down on the floor for half an hour because I hit my funny bone  
hat emo 1: it's not the first one I found him in a cupboard once  
God is this woman: he stubbed his toe  
hat emo 1: oh you're trans that's cool  
platonic tsundere: it is cool it enables me to hide in cupboards because I am very small  
best robot: you pass excellently Kokichi!  
platonic tsundere: thanks Kiibo!  
platonic tsundere: speaking of Kiibo I nominate him!  
best robot: I can fly, I know the basics of most languages and I don't have a dick seeing as I was built to be gender neutral  
ultimate hoe: he cant fly  
ultimate hoe: yET  
best robot: miu I don't want to fLY  
best robot: to avoid the actual catastrophe that would be Miu's go I nominate Tenko  
queen lesbian: neato  
queen lesbian: I have had a crush on all the girls in our year, I have an awful father who kicked me out of the house for being trans and that's why I hate most men, I kicked Togami in the face for saying Fukawa smelled  
magic but gay: you punched Togami  
queen lesbian: cORRECT  
platonic tsundere: :0 tenkos trans too  
platonic tsundere: solidarity  
queen lesbian: you are still a degenerate  
platonic tsundere: nice that means you think of me as a boy  
queen lesbian: of course I do degenerate  
best robot: you also pass really well Tenko!  
queen lesbian: thank   
queen lesbian: you aren't as much of a degenerate  
oj ahoge: why are you Mahiru  
queen lesbian: oh she's cool we hate men together  
oj ahoge: also she mentioned a cult one time are you in that cult  
queen lesbian: which cult, angies or the Cult of Lesbians  
oj ahoge: probably the Cult of Lesbians thank you for the information

2:19pm  
Cult Of Lesbians

fighty lesbian: I think another degenerate knows  
money lesbian: why don't we tell the men about the Cult?  
fighty lesbian: they'll want one for the men  
ultimate lesbian: yeah we don't want that  
bookish lesbian: protect the sacred land  
photo lesbian: oh this reminds me

photo lesbian added cries

photo lesbian changed cries name to crying lesbian

crying lesbian: what's this Mahiru  
photo lesbian: remember that cult me and Hiyoko were talking about  
crying lesbian: oohhh  
money lesbian: welcome crying lesbian  
fighty lesbian: who made you cry ill kill them  
crying lesbian: oh no I just cry a lot  
dancing lesbian: why did you add her  
photo lesbian: all women are queens  
dancing lesbian: uGH fine  
photo lesbian: Tenko I'd suggest you decide how trustworthy the guy is and how much he respects women  
fighty lesbian: for a guy he seems okay? Like he helped Maki so imma say he's okay for now  
photo lesbian: just like make sure he isn't annoying  
fighty lesbian: got it thank you, head lesbian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in a mad flash of inspiration with the fact it was two truths one lie and I could meme off of it also the Cult of Lesbians will be seen again because I love the idea of a Cult of Lesbians
> 
> Would y'all be interested in a Haikyuu chatfic? Because I am willing to give you one, it'd just mean less frequent updates of this


	11. SO IM SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shout out to adhd for making it impossible for me to focus on this bastard of a chapter becuase i wanted to write something else

Class 78 (THH)

worm of book: F U C K   
naeggi: ??? what’s up????  
worm of book: so apparently Jack decided to eat all the fucking cereal in my room  
cutemaru: THATS WHY THERE WAS EMPTY SHIT EVERYWHERE  
sherlock: what  
sherlock: the fuck  
naeggi: why does Jack text us?  
worm of book: they uhhh  
worm of book: they don’t know my phone password  
worm of book: i mean they got over the killing thing  
thot: unfortunately :(  
worm of book: wow the human trash arrived  
worm of book: literally go suck some old prune’s dick and fuck off, cishet  
thot: i would be offended if i cared  
worm of book: that’s creative did a five year old come up with that  
thot: i came out here to have a good time and i honestly feel so attacked right now  
babey boy: guys  
babey boy: i literally just unmute chat and this is what i’m given  
babey boy: i feel hurt  
naeggi: yeah stop arguing :(  
worm of book: i don’t do what men tell me fuck you  
cutemaru: what if i told you to  
worm of book: well shit i gotta then  
thot: hwughhh lesbians i gotta go hurl

babey boy removed thot from Class 78

worm of book: on behalf of the entire world, thank you   
babey boy: i’m doing gods work  
cryptid: you really are  
cryptid: oh fuck id better lock my door she’ll try barge in  
naeggi: hey mukuro what the f U C K  
cryptid: so um junko once broke my door down  
naeggi: oh  
cryptid: i had to get a special re-enforced door from the headmaster   
sherlock: oh that fuckwad gets you a door but doesn’t hang around to be there in my life  
cryptid: MOOD  
naeggi: hi what on earth  
cryptid: he won’t even curse how pure  
naeggi: i know some stuff okay  
cryptid: do you know what the rice purity test is  
naeggi: vaguely i think i did one on a dare  
cryptid: what did you get  
naeggi: like a 95  
sherlock: oh boy  
cryptid: oh god  
naeggi: yeah i know okay but like shut up  
cutemaru: damn makoto no one will fuck you   
naeggi: SHUT UP KOMARU YOU LITERALLY CRIED WHEN YOU MET SAYAKA YOU CANT SAY ANYTHING   
cutemaru: tough talk for someone who got their Hope’s Peak acceptance letter and literally fainted  
naeggi: okay you know what  
naeggi: i’m going to tell mum you said that  
cutemaru: WAIT NO  
naeggi: i’m going to do it bitch  
worm of book: is this what siblings is like  
corn hair: unfortunately   
worm of book: all i have is Jack and they’re just a fucking bitch  
worm of book: they also live in me and shit and it’s annoying  
corn hair: sounds shit  
worm of book: they also steal my food  
corn hair: oh i can relate Daiya took my oreos  
naeggi: Komaru took my sandwich earlier  
cutemaru: no i did not i’m sure togami took it  
toe: i would not steal a sandwich i would make my own, fukawa is the only one who would stoop to that  
worm of book: i literally don’t like sandwiches the fuck  
worm of book: i blame Jack  
naeggi: why  
worm of book: Jack likes food  
babey boy: but like same  
babey boy: also can i change some names  
babey boy: some annoy me  
naeggi: go ahead my dude

babey boy changed 2 names

i want to believe: okay chihiro you mean this as a joke  
i want to believe: BUT MY BURGER WAS STOLEN BY ALIENS  
worm of book: or by Jack   
i want to believe: JACKS AN ALIEN???????  
worm of book: no??? they’re pretty human????  
i want to believe: smh nonbelievers   
tsukkishima: what does this mean  
silence, weeb: tsukkishima is a character from haikyuu!, he’s a tall mean blond with glasses which is probably why you’ve been named this  
naeggi: HOLD UP  
naeggi: chihiro can i have admin  
babey boy: go hogwild

naeggi changed his name to yamaguchi 

tsukkishima: ?  
yamaguchi: okay in my defence, i’m tsukkiyama trash  
silence, weeb: isn’t everyone though  
cutemaru: god you right  
cutemaru: i’ve literally never been prouder to call you my brother  
yamaguchi: thank you it’s a talent to be this cool  
cutemaru: nah i’m just proud i made you a weeb  
cutemaru: i literally just told him THERES A GUY LIKE TOGAMI IN IT and then he binged all of it in three days  
yamaguchi: okay maybe i just love my boyfriend shut up  
cutemaru: but like yeah me?  
cutemaru: causally runs a fan instagram for toko  
worm of book: wait that’s you  
cutemaru: ahahahha yeah  
worm of book: i would laugh at you but i run a komaru appreciation blog on tumblr so i cant say much  
yamaguchi: toko 🤝 komaru 🤝 me  
yamaguchi: running fan accounts for our significant others  
tsukkishima: what  
yamaguchi: i run a quotes account on twitter for you  
tsukkishima: i’m mildly flattered?  
cutemaru: wow are we all simps  
worm of book: aren’t we all  
fishy: i’m not  
worm of book: oh hey asahina, have you seen sakura’s new dress  
fishy: nO @strowong where are you  
strowong: sweetheart i don’t have a new dress fukawa tricked you into proving you’re a simp  
worm of book: and you are  
fishy: fuck

cryptid: hi ive decided to commit tax fraud  
tig bittie goth gf: i share this sentiment   
fishy: oh celes we have a cult meeting in like five it’s your first meeting since joining!  
tig bittie goth gf: i look forward to it!  
cutemaru: it’s in my room this time!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SCREAMS
> 
> so yeah the meeting will be in a few chapters, i’ll have some sdr2 shenanigans and i have two half serious half crack fanfictions planned for v3 and then a haikyuu chatfic?? maybe???


	12. Fuck I love natsumi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really love Natsumi she's pretty

2:30am

oily boi: HI SO I MIGHT BE DEAD SOON?????  
oj ahoge: what's up  
oily boi: Hiyoko just decided that I was 'next' aND I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON  
oily boi: I decided to climb a tree the she can't get up to and camp out there so I don't die  
fucking bitch: ALRIGHT THATS IT  
oily boi: OH FUCK OH GOD  
fucking bitch: I'm going to get someone tall to get you down so I can get you  
oj ahoge: what are you going to do Hiyoko.  
fucking bitch: idk ill decide on the way  
oj ahoge: why are you chasing Souda  
fucking bitch: hahaha you see  
fucking bitch: me and tenko have a competition on how many men can we terrorize  
oj ahoge: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT  
fucking bitch: at first it was how many people full stop but tenko didn't want to upset girls  
oj ahoge: that's better?????????  
oj ahoge: still confused??  
fucking bitch: I'm gonna try get togami soon  
oj ahoge: you mean, ultimate heir togami  
fucking bitch: that's the one  
oj ahoge: severe emotional trauma togami  
fucking bitch: the very same  
oj ahoge: good luck with that  
fucking bitch: you will be got one day Hinata  
oj ahoge: I look forward to it

2:43am

fucking bitch: TENKO SAID HES SUFFERED ENOUGH FOR IT TO COUNT   
fucking bitch: IM WINNING  
fucking bitch: tenko is very dedicated to this of course  
oily boi: I can't get doWN   
fucking bitch: AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHA  
oily boi: am scared

7:30am 

om nom nom: what the actual fuck happened  
oj ahoge: Hiyoko has a bet with Chabashira  
om nom nom: who  
oj ahoge: ultimate aikido master  
om nom nom: not ringing any bells??  
oj ahoge: Yumeno's girlfriend  
om nom nom: nope  
oj ahoge: yells degenerate male at any boy in the corridor  
om nom nom: OHHH THAT GIRL  
om nom nom: hiyoko has a bet with her?  
oj ahoge: who can terrorize the most men  
om nom nom: sounds accurate  
better than you: do you ever sleep Hajime  
oj ahoge: nope  
oj ahoge: people have a lot of breakdowns at 4am  
oj ahoge: you can't speak though Mr I-slept-for-three-days-straight-and-then-didn't-for-a-week  
better than you: that was oNE TIME  
oj ahoge: at least I actually sleep  
oj ahoge: I just have a really loud ringtone so people can wake me up  
oj ahoge: or they just fucking,, break down my door  
better than you: who was it this time  
oj ahoge: oowada  
better than you: of course  
better than you: I'm pretty sure all you do is wait in your office  
oj ahoge: I'm pretty sure all you do is sit about unless Komaeda drags you somewhere  
om nom nom: oh damn  
better than you: yeah you're right  
oj ahoge: Izuru? My brother? Admitting I'm right? In this economy? It's more likely than you think

8:56am

cries: hey not to be a bother or anything but I fell down the second floor stairs by the Japanese classrooms and I can't get up can someone help  
cries: you don't have to or anything  
oj ahoge: tsumiki I,,,   
oj ahoge: I'm on my way stop talking as if you're a burden for needing a little help  
cries: I'm sorry   
oj ahoge: it's okay don't worry  
sleeby: hinata is that one Gordon Ramsay meme  
sleeby: Gordon Ramsay in Junior Masterchef is hinata with tsumiki and Gordon Ramsay any other time is hinata with komaeda  
hOpE: I hate that it's true  
oj ahoge: the difference is tsumiki actually takes in what I say on learning to not hate herself and the only word Komaeda hears when I speak is Izuru  
hOpE: am I not allowed to be a simp  
oj ahoge: N O  
oj ahoge: not when it's my brother you're simping over  
hOpE: okay but he's pretty  
oj ahoge: he's a nuisance

4:18pm

hOpE: hi welcome to why lucky charms are a bitch  
hOpE: 1. luck is a bitch  
hOpE: 2. I spilt them all of the fucking floor  
better than you: you're mad at a cereal??  
oj ahoge: why the fuck are you eating cereal at 4pm  
hOpE: it's 4pm??  
hOpE: oh  
oj ahoge: why are you like this  
hOpE: it's mental illness innit  
oj ahoge: Komaeda I'm asking respectfully but what the fuck  
better than you: remind me to make sure Komeada doesn't just eat cereal  
oj ahoge: if you can do that ill get you those sour things you like  
better than you: make it sour patch kids and you've got a deal  
oj ahoge: aight  
om nom nom: welcome to class 77-B where we have to bribe people to make Komaeda eat  
oj ahoge: I can see you raiding the fridge right now  
om nom nom: h o w  
oj ahoge: I too am in the dining room and you left the kitchen door open  
om nom nom: oh right

5:39pm

oily boi: hey guys who wants to go out to that new cafe thing   
oj ahoge: why the fuck not  
oj ahoge: I don't think I have any appointments  
hOpE: can I come  
oily boi: yeah dude why'd I ask if I didn't  
XxXDarkLordXxX: I will join you all  
oj ahoge: hey @draco malfoy wanna come?  
draco malfoy: yeah sure  
hOpE: if you guys are bringing your boyfriends I'm bringing mine @better than you  
better than you: do I have to  
hOpE: yes  
better than you: fine but only because I love you  
hOpE: ily2  
oj ahoge: OKAY WE GET IT YOURE IN LOVE WOW  
oj ahoge: honestly didn't know Izuru could feel love but you know  
better than you: I can feel love I just don't love you  
oj ahoge: OKAY MEAN  
better than you: it's not my fault mum loves me more  
oj ahoge: okay bitch fuck you  
draco malfoy: everyday I thank god my sister isn't in this chat  
stabs you asmr: is that a threat  
draco malfoy: WAIT PEKO NO

stabs you asmr added NatsumiIsBetterThanFuyuhiko to Class 77-B

NatsumiIsBetterThanFuyuhiko: oho what do we have here  
draco malfoy: fuck you peko  
stabs you asmr: it's my job to annoy you Fuyuhiko  
NatsumiIsBetterThanFuyuhiko: that's my job!!!   
sleeby: your name is too long hold on  
NatsumiIsBetterThanFuyuhiko: WAIT NO I LIKE MY NAME

sleeby changed NatsumiIsBetterThanFuyuhiko to natsu

natsu: actually that's cute   
sleeby: I'm great at names  
oj ahoge: idk you made my name  
sleeby: that wasn't my best work okay  
sleeby: would you prefer workaholic  
sleeby: or shitty at Mario kart  
oj ahoge: okay no I'm good   
sleeby: that's what I thought  
natsu: okay who has the tea on Fuyuhiko  
stabs you asmr: me and Hinata know all  
oj ahoge: yep  
natsu: alright who wants to first  
oj ahoge: when I told him I liked him he stood there for five seconds and went wait as a friend or what   
natsu: see this is the shit I want to see  
stabs you asmr: he showed me those realistic cake videos and then gasped and went what if I'm cake peko where's your sword  
natsu: AHAHAHAHAHAHAH  
stabs you asmr: he's fucking lucky I keep in the gym   
natsu: God we stan  
draco malfoy: natsumi I hate you  
natsu: hate me cuz ya ain't me  
oj ahoge: not a day goes by when I don't miss being in a class with you natsumi   
natsu: still trying to convince stinky kirigiri to let me be an Ultimate  
oj ahoge: ill help you you just gotta point out that you're cool  
natsu: what would my ultimate even be  
oj ahoge: like something yakuza related but not yakuza because kirigiri said no doubles  
natsu: oi Izuru you got any talents I can use  
better than you: don't call me Izuru and idk what do you want  
natsu: okay whatever Izuru do you have any suggestions  
better than you: hmm I have ultimate assistants and shit  
natsu: i can totally point out I've been co running the gang thanks Izuru  
better than you: np and don't call me that  
natsu: Hajime does  
better than you: he's my brother  
natsu: well Hajime doesn't care if i use his first name  
better than you: yeah that's Hajime for you though  
natsu: yeah I was like his only friend for like half a year   
oj ahoge: I'm not even gonna argue with that

8:09pm

natsu: hey guess what ya bitch did  
oj ahoge: ??  
natsu: I went and threatened the stinky headteacher  
oj ahoge: oh  
natsu: he said he'd think about it and that means yes in the business  
oj ahoge: by business you mean blackmail  
natsu: what else would I mean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey gimme talent suggestions for natsumi or ill get you


	13. IM NOT DEAD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _At first I was afraid  
>  I was petrified  
> Kept thinking I could never live  
> Without you by my side  
> But then I spent so many nights  
> Thinking how you did me wrong  
> And I grew strong  
> And I learned how to get along  
> And so you're back  
> From outer space_

2:27pm

platonic tsundere: so  
platonic tsundere: I found all your tiktoks  
naruto: mhM  
platonic tsundere: I'm going to expose you all!!  
platonic tsundere: Miu has at least two from what I know, one for my inventions and one for thirst traps. I never want to see that shit again.  
ultimate hoe: hate me cuz ya ain't me  
platonic tsundere: never say that again  
platonic tsundere: shuichi does have an account but he doesn't use it because he's too scared but he has a YouTube where he does the police's job for them  
piaNO: I expected that  
ultimate hoe: that bitch would have an eboy acc shut the fuck up  
platonic tsundere: I was hoping to find that but no  
platonic tsundere: kaito has a space facts one he just talks about space it's weird  
platonic tsundere: kaede my dear friend, I've seen your tiktok you just take piano requests and please play never gonna give you up I will literally pay you  
piaNO: you don't have to pay me hang on  
platonic tsundere: see kaedes nice to me why can't you guys  
god is this woman: kaede is a minor chaos user, she enables such memery  
platonic tsundere: rantaro amami! You have an aesthetic travel tiktok!  
avowocado: I am a man of culture and culture is praying I don't drop my camera  
platonic tsundere: #prayforamamiscamera  
platonic tsundere: moving on! I don't think maki or gonta even have the app  
platonic tsundere: tenko has an account where,, she just talks about girls and how wonderful they are??? That's it I've gone through five months of just her being gay  
queen lesbian: do you have a problem with that  
platonic tsundere: no how do you have so many followers  
queen lesbian: the wlw want what they want  
platonic tsundere: they,,, they want you talking about how much you love girls and you threatening to fight the toxic men in everyone's lives????  
queen lesbian: yes  
platonic tsundere: damn  
platonic tsundere: himiko just shows off her magic and stuff, it's cool  
platonic tsundere: by far the easiest to find was Tsumugis  
platonic tsundere: turns out if you go into basically any cosplay tag you find her  
platonic tsundere: also ult.c0splayer????? That's the most basic ass name I've ever seen  
naruto: I have a brand fuck you  
naruto: like you can talk, what's your TikTok?  
platonic tsundere: I don't have one bitch  
ultimate hoe: I bet it's hatsunemikukinnie  
platonic tsundere: THAT WAS ONE TIME I MADE A WORLD IS MINE JOKE FUCK YOU  
naruto: you made a miku joke  
platonic tsundere: LIKE ONCE  
naruto: i-  
naruto: I'm so proud  
platonic tsundere: OKAY I DONT ACTUALLY LIKE MIKU  
naruto: it's okay you don't have to be a tsundere  
platonic tsundere: FUCK YOU IM LEAVING

platonic tsundere left the chat

naruto: poor child.  
naruto: May you come to terms with kinning hatsune miku  
ultimate hoe: pfft  
avowocado: anyways so I had a weird fucking dream  
ultimate hoe: why is it always you who has weird fucking dreams  
avowocado: IT WASNT ABOUT EVERYONE DYING THIS TIME  
avowocado: I don't remember much but like,,, some people weren't here, like I distinctly remember kokichi and Kiibo being there  
avowocado: also Kiibo was human  
avowocado: we like,, lived in the same building together and shit  
avowocado: I just remember kokichi being sad as fuck  
ultimate hoe: OH FUCK  
ultimate hoe: so like a sad motherfucker of a dream  
avowocado: kinda sad but like,, you can tell things were getting better.  
avowocado: also I had a weird dream the night before  
avowocado: I was just pulling an all nighter and sat at my window  
avowocado: I just,, watched the rain for an entire dream  
naruto: why is that first one familiar  
naruto: like I feel like I know what you're on about???  
avowocado: idk have you had the same dream  
naruto: maybe???  
naruto: i don't know it just feels familiar  
ultimate hoe: are we just ignoring how kokichi left  
naruto: yes

3:40pm

best robot: why did I just see Tsumugi lying on the floor crying  
piaNO: rantaro stared playing my r to piss her off and she did this instead  
best robot: oh. Understandable have a nice day  
piaNO: is anyone adding kokichi back too  
ultimate hoe: no  
piaNO: I'm gonna do it

platonic tsundere joined the chat

platonic tsundere: WHY AM I BACK  
piaNO: hi kokichi  
platonic tsundere: hi kaede  
platonic tsundere: yeah but like seriously why am I here  
piaNO: why is hinata still here is the real question  
platonic tsundere: wait is he  
piaNO: hi @oj ahoge  
oj ahoge: hi I muted this  
oj ahoge: you guys are wack  
oj ahoge: not as wack as my class but still  
piaNO: how wack are they  
oj ahoge: on the same day, someone got chased up a tree and left there overnight and then someone's twin who's currently talentless decided to blackmail Mr Kirigiri into giving her a talent  
oj ahoge: she's doing very well in that endeavour.  
piaNO: OH  
oj ahoge: she's been giving me updates, she's gonna be ultimate strategist  
platonic tsundere: wait  
platonic tsundere: can you,,, can you add her  
piaNO: isn't this the 79 class  
piaNO: not the 79 and their friends from 77??  
oj ahoge: natsumi isn't in 77 yet  
piaNO: oh true 79 and their friend from 77 and then their friend Natsumi  
platonic tsundere: come on kaede  
piaNO: usually I would say no  
piaNO: but today I'm tired go ahead Hinata

oj ahoge added natsu to the chat

natsu: owo? What's this  
piaNO: OH NO SHE OWOS  
platonic tsundere: owo?  
piaNO: OH GOD  
oj ahoge: oh no. They're communicating  
platonic tsundere: hewwo  
natsu: hewwo  
platonic tsundere: so. You blackmailed the head into giving you a talent.  
natsu: yes it was very easy he's a pussy ass bitch  
platonic tsundere: the power,,,  
natsu: ikr I'm amazing  
natsu: future ultimate strategist right here  
platonic tsundere: the sheer authority defying  
natsu: I may not be a yakuza boss but I'm still a yakuza aren't I  
platonic tsundere: wait you're a yakuza??  
natsu: you're talking to the one and only twin to the heir of the kuzuuryu clan  
platonic tsundere: HOLY SHIT THATS SO COOL  
piaNO: hi natsumi I'm kaede  
natsu: hi kaede  
oj ahoge: I apologize for my friend  
platonic tsundere: why apologize she's awesome  
oj ahoge: yeah you keep believing that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah the summary is just I will survive I couldn't think of anything else
> 
> Also natsumi talent reveal! Also I'm going to be ending this fic at hopefully 15 chapters!! I think this is the 13th so you get two more chapters of my bad writing!! 
> 
> My next projects planned are obviously finishing to cope, and then maybe some haikyuu fics?? I also have a few one shots planned I just gotta write them
> 
> Also rantaros dreams are based of my fics to cope and 4am


	14. hi im so tired oh my god

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my multishipper and kaede and rantaro simp really jumped out damn
> 
> tw for an intrusive thoughts mention

12:14

ultimate hoe: who in this class are the hottest: discuss  
platonic tsundere: at dead fucking last, miu  
ultimate hoe: stfu bitchslut if im last youre second last  
piaNO: can we all agree rantaro is in fact, the hottest??  
ultimate hoe: hmmm  
ultimate hoe: actually you right  
kork: i second this notion rantaro is very attractive based off multiple beauty standards   
piaNO: i said this to hype up my boyfriend but now im kinda worried  
platonic tsundere: @avowocado if shit doesnt work out between you and kaede you wanna date me??  
avowocado: yeah why not  
piaNO: rantaro why  
avowocado: kaede i love you but it was funny  
avowocado: also what idiot would break up with you  
ultimate hoe: didnt you and maki date for like a hot second  
piaNO: pretty sure for like,, a month??  
stabby mcstab: yeah  
hat emo 1: if rantaro and kaede break up and rantaro goes out with kokichi, im dating kaede  
piaNO: sounds reasonable   
naruto: love square  
naruto: tbh i would date kaede  
piaNO: thank you??  
naruto: hey wlw in the chat whod date kaede  
ultimate hoe: 100%  
stabby mcstab: yeah id date her again  
queen lesbian: now, i love himiko but. if i had the opportunity absolutely   
magic but gay: yeah,,  
god is this woman: despite being aroace, i find kaede aesthetically attractive and probably would be qpps with her if the opportunity arose.  
naruto: OOF RANTARO AND SHUICHI YOU GUYS HAVE COMPETITION   
queen lesbian: all the wlw love kaede❤️💖💗💕💘💗❤️  
piaNO: why though  
queen lesbian: most of us have some form of trauma or self worth issues and you’re just,, comforting  
naruto: ^^ you right

1:56

platonic tsundere: cant believe all the wlw love kaede and all the mlm love rantaro  
hat emo 1: how do you know that  
platonic tsundere: tis fact my dear saihara-chan  
hat emo 1: never call me that again, and yeah fair  
avowocado: now i understand why kaede was so confused   
avowocado: how am i,, attractive i just kinda look suspicious.  
platonic tsundere: tall  
kork: i too am suspicious and also your hair looks really soft  
hat emo 1: youre like,, really nice  
avowocado: still confused but thank you  
ultimate hoe: are we in agreement rantaro is the hottest boy and kaede is the hottest girl??  
hat emo 1: yeah ill agree with you  
queen lesbian: rantaro is very respectful of girls and thats the only redeeming quality he has  
queen lesbian: but yeah agree

5:34

oj ahoge: why am i still here  
piaNO: no ones kicked you yet  
platonic tsundere: no ones kicked your friend either  
natsu: hey  
oj ahoge: im gonna take my leave because i dont like being in too many chats  
platonic tsundere: how many chats are you in  
oj ahoge: my class one, this one, a reserve course chat and the well-being committee one  
platonic tsundere: thats only four absolute weakling  
oj ahoge: you try putting up with my class i dare you  
piaNO: why dont we swap idiots  
piaNO: you get kokichi and we get whoevers the biggest chaos master in your class  
oj ahoge: that would be,, komaeda??  
oj ahoge: yeah him  
piaNO: im curious whats the best thing hes done  
oj ahoge: once we went on school trip and he just went kinda crazy and had a breakdown and kept talking about wanting to blow shit up  
oj ahoge: he had to be in therapy in school and out for two months after that  
piaNO: oh damn  
oj ahoge: turns out he has absolutely awful intrusive thoughts because of trauma  
piaNO: poor dude  
oj ahoge: yeahhh  
platonic tsundere: kaede whats the worst ive done  
piaNO: punching kaito, being a bitch to kiibo and maki and also generally fucking shit up  
platonic tsundere: oh. yeah. that stuff.  
piaNO: its okay now but like. bruh. past you needed to chill and therapy  
oj ahoge: its funny you say he needs therapy ive never seen you in my office  
platonic tsundere: yeah thats because i like dealing with my emotions by bottling shit up and using humour and being mean so people dont send me to you  
platonic tsundere: so far its worked.  
oj ahoge: ... you know what im gonna say.  
platonic tsundere: yep  
oj ahoge: i’ll put you in for 7, its the second floor, fifth door from the main staircase, blue door with a plaque that says Counsellor  
platonic tsundere: dont bank on me being there my memorys absolutely shit   
oj ahoge: its fine i’ll just hunt you down  
natsu: bruh whyd everything go sad  
piaNO: kokichi decided to not bottle up his emotions for a second  
queen lesbian: hinatas really good though for a male  
queen lesbian: he helped me with my anger and abandonment issues so hes like,, one of the least degenerate degenerates i know  
oj ahoge: damn. thanks chabashira   
natsu: yeah hajimes awesome  
natsu: you know what i would date him if he wasn’t dating my brother but you know  
natsu: honestly had my bets on fuyu dating peko but yeah. i lost 100 yen to chiaki.  
oj ahoge: a. you bet. on that?? b. you would date me???  
natsu: oh yeah we have a gc with everyone who does or did have a crush on you at some point   
oj ahoge: i want names.   
natsu: theres me, nagito, kaz, fuyu and chiaki rn  
natsu: at one point we nearly had half your class   
oj ahoge: why do you still have that chat  
natsu: its funny also we have an anonymous acc we share so we can anonymously rant about ur fat tiddies sorry dude  
oj ahoge: MY WHAT  
platonic tsundere: now that you mention it,, he do have fat toddies though  
natsu: fuck yeah he do  
platonic tsundere: natsumi add me to that chat  
oj ahoge: why does god hate me like this  
atuas hoe: because youre a little bitch  
platonic tsundere: damn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i be projecting onto everyoneeee


	15. closure

10:19

thot added someone to the chat

thot: you said it was ‘time’?  
someone: thanks.  
yamaguchi: time?? the hell are you on junko??  
someone: don’t worry yet.  
someone: im not someone you need to be afraid of.  
thot: can i tell him  
someone: id have preferred more people  
someone: and you have to make kamukura and shirogane do the same thing  
thot: idk why them but fine  
someone: alright then. whos here.  
tsukkishima: why are you here who are you and what do you want  
someone: chill togami what part of you dont need to be scared of me dont you understand  
tsukkishima: im not scared. just cautious.  
someone: so, scared?  
someone: well thats you and naegi.  
sherlock: im here.  
someone: awesome, 3 down, 3 to go  
cutemaru: hey why did my brother just text me asking me to check this chat?  
cutemaru: oh.  
someone: komaru, hi.  
cutemaru: hi whoever you are  
someone: i dont need you for the cliche but you can stick around.  
cutemaru: awesome can i bring toki  
someone: thatd be even better  
cutemaru: @worm of book hey some weirdo wants you  
worm of book: what the fuck  
worm of book: okay junko has something to do with this i never trusted her cishet ass  
someone: just two left.  
thot: can i just get them  
someone: you can  
thot: @fishy @i want to believe  
i want to believe: A FUCKING ALIEN??  
someone: you can think of me like that  
i want to believe: i fucking knew it.  
fishy: stfu hagakure  
fishy: wait who’re you??  
someone: okay you’re all here. excellent.  
thot: hurry up im boredddd  
someone: we’re only at 273, enoshima.  
thot: at least do something  
someone: fine then.  
someone: hello. i’m not someone you know, nor am i someone at all.  
i want to believe: alien riddles guys  
someone: close.  
someone: i’m not really a concept you’re familiar with.  
someone: so you jump to conclusions and call me an alien.  
sherlock: makes sense.  
cutemaru: i dont get why those guys are the ones you need??  
cutemaru: what do makoto kyoko byakuya toko aoi and yasuhiro have in common?  
someone: they know.  
yamaguchi: who’s they?  
someone: them. the 284.  
tsukkishima: is this some kind of code?  
someone: sort of.  
thot: can you reveal yourself already  
someone: in all due time, junko  
someone: makoto.  
yamaguchi: uh yes  
someone: has anyone ever said anything odd to you. anything regarding the reality of your world.  
yamaguchi: junko and tsumugi have a joke about us being characters??? other than that no reality bending ones  
someone: what does this joke consist of.  
yamaguchi: usually junko mentions something like,, we’re in a video game or she’ll call us out of character  
someone: interesting.  
someone: have you ever suspected it has any truth  
yamaguchi: nope  
someone: has she ever mentioned someone known as The Author  
yamaguchi: uh,, thats more tsumugi  
yamaguchi: the author is just a joke  
worm of book: i know a lot of authors and ive never met one to the description of The Author  
someone: interesting.  
someone: what if i told you, i was The Author.  
tsukkishima: id call you mad  
someone: really? such a skeptic  
yamaguchi: i think id ask for proof  
someone: proof,, hm. hows this.

someone changed 8 names

The Author: i just joined this chat, how would i have admin.  
Makoto Naegi: you could’ve hacked it  
The Author: naegi this chat is protected by fujisaki and hope’s peak  
Makoto Naegi: huh. kyoko any ideas?  
Kyoko Kirigiri: this person seems to be telling the truth as far fetched as it is  
The Author: believe me?  
Makoto Naegi: alright, i’ll believe you.  
Makoto Naegi: how are you The Author? what are you writing?  
The Author: well, im The Author, im writing this. im writing this story.  
Makoto Naegi: you,, made us??  
The Author: oh no, im not The Creator. just the Author  
Makoto Naegi: so, you’re claiming you took us, as pre existing characters and,, wrote us,, talking?  
The Author: exactly.  
Byakuya Togami: why would you do that, it’s stupid, if you have this.. power of taking preexisting characters and writing them into alternate stories, why waste your time on a chat?  
The Author: huh? oh, i just wanted to.  
Byakuya Togami: you wanted to. surely you had some other reasoning.  
The Author: oh yeah, i needed to improve characterisation, dialogue and comedy writing  
Kyoko Kirigiri: if you chose what we do, why write this at all  
The Author: oh this chapter. i’m writing this chapter as closure.  
Aoi Asahina: why do you need closure?  
Aoi Asahina: don’t you enjoy writing this?  
The Author: i do enjoy writing it. but i have other ideas.  
The Author: besides, everyone loves a good self aware story.  
Makoto Naegi: why did you make us self aware?  
The Author: well, i needed closure on why i wrote this story. i wanted closure for myself.  
The Author: i’ve been writing this for half a year and when i think back to how i started this,, it was for fun.  
The Author: i could live through this story. i dont have many friends, really.  
Makoto Naegi: you used us to live out a funny chat experience?  
The Author: yep. and im ending it.  
Kyoko Kirigiri: aren’t you losing that coping method then?  
The Author: nope. i have a lot of stories that’re ongoing and some planned ones.  
Junko Enoshima: whats happening to us now  
The Author: you guys? well, i think of ending a story as sealing the universe. you still get up to shenanigans and things still happen, and there’s room for a sequel, but nothing can change. the universe rules cant change.  
Makoto Naegi: so,, we’re just,, let off?  
The Author: yep!!  
Toko Fukawa: what’re you writing next?  
The Author: well, i think i’ll try my hand at other characters. i think 79 mentioned it?  
The Author: 79 have the highest count of outside references. im still proud of referencing my other stories through amami  
Toko Fukawa: well, what happens now.  
The Author: well, its only got to be the most cliche way for danganronpa to end things.  
Junko Enoshima: is that my cue?  
The Author: yep.  
Junko Enoshima: lets give it everything we’ve got! it’s Punishment Time!  
The Author: it was nice writing you. thanks for everything.

**THE CHAT HAS BEEN ENDED.**

**15/15.**

**story complete.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it guys. thank you for all the kudos, comments and bookmarks. i’ve really loved writing this story. 
> 
> this story was my first real go at trying to write something i wanted to write and if you’ve read this far, you’re probably not just putting up with it so thanks. 
> 
> this is your Author, offically completing this story.

**Author's Note:**

> Chat names for 79 are:  
> Korekiyo Shinguji: korp  
> Angie Yonaga:Atuas hoe  
> Kirumi Tojo : god is this woman  
> Kokichi Oma : a literal rat (later platonic tsundere)br />  
> Tsumugi Shirogane : naruto  
> K1-B0 : best robot  
> Tenko Chabashira : queen lesbian  
> Kaede Akamatsu : piaNO  
> Kaito Momota : rip oppy  
> Maki Harukawa : stabby mcstab  
> Shuichi Saihara: hat emo 1  
> Ryoma Hoshi : hat emo 2  
> Rantaro Amami : avowocado  
> Himiko Yumeno : magic but gay  
> Gonta Gokuhara : b u G  
> Miu Iruma. : ultimate hoe
> 
> Names for 78 are  
> Yasuhiro Hagakure: 20% stoner, 80% hair  
> Mukuro Ikusaba: cryptid  
> Junko Enoshima: thot  
> Celestia Ludenberg: tig bittie goth gf  
> Sakura Ogami: strowong  
> Hifumi Yamada: silence, weeb  
> Mondo Owada: corn hair  
> Chihiro Fujisaki: babey boy  
> Kiyotaka Ishimaru: Dad  
> Byakuya Togami: toe  
> Toko Fukawa: worm of books  
> Leon Kuwata: has a Sayaka body pillow  
> Sayaka Maizono: straightie  
> Makoto Naegi: naeggi  
> Kyoko Kirigiri: sherlock  
> Aoi Asahina: fishy  
> Komaru Naegi: cutemaru
> 
> SDR2 CHARACTERS NOW EXIST!  
> Hajime Hinata: oj ahoge  
> Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu: draco malfoy  
> Akane Owari: om nom nom  
> Sonia Nevermind: actually actually a queen  
> Kazuichi Souda: oily boi  
> Chiaki Nanami: sleeby  
> Nagito Komeada: hOpE  
> Gundham Tanaka: XXXDarkLordXxX  
> Nekomaru Nidai: s t r o n k  
> Mikan Tsumiki: cries  
> Hiyoko Saionji: fucking bitch  
> Ibuki Mioda: kazoo  
> Peko Pekoyama: stabs you asmr  
> Mahiru Koizumi: fucking smile or else  
> Teruteru Hanamura: horny on main  
> Ultimate Imposter: ???  
> Izuru Kamukura: better than you


End file.
